When I was a little girl, I'd often bake with my Mum. Despite the family set-up being fairly messed up, I still did nice mum and daughter-ish things like baking fairy cakes together and such; and do you know, my fave thing about baking was the way my mum would expertly scrape around the inner … Continue reading SPATULA
I am here...but I am not satisfied with here because I want to be over there. I want to be in the future; not the present. I want to have already made this important transition that I'm about to make and be contentedly settling into my new life with it's new lifestyle, but alas, I'm … Continue reading NOT THERE, STILL HERE *sigh*
Here are some scribbly posts I did yesterday about life with PTSD. Life with this illness is gruelling and yesterday was a particularly bad day, so my doodles were more factual and negative than entertaining. I just needed to get it all down on paper...a true reflection of thing; how much of a MASSIVE effect … Continue reading PTSD SAYS YES? OR NO.
Live in the moment, say the Buddhists. Live in the moment, say the mindfulness enthusiasts. Live in the moment, say the mental health professional peeps. HAVE A HOT BATH WITH RAINFOREST/WHALE MUSIC PLAYING. WATCH THE STEAMY VAPOUR PERMEATE OFF THE TOP SURFACE OF YOUR WARM BEVERAGE. SIT BY THE SEA AND TAKE IN DEEP LUNGFULS … Continue reading MOVEMENT, N.O.T MINDFULNESS.
**Trigger warning- discussion of suicidality and self-harm. I don't know if I can attempt any clever writing tonight, as I'm extremely weary, extremely low, and extremely empty. But I feel the building urge to write, so I guess there must be trapped stuff that I need to release from the jar containing the essence of … Continue reading ME- 1, URGES-NIL
As usual lately I have minimal words to offer, so the doodles will have to tell my therapy story for this week What a corker of a sesh 😱😱 summerSHINES
Just some stream of consciousness doodles after an absolutely S**T day.... summerSHINES
What if it's forever? What if my prediction is clever? What if healing is mainly never? Never f*****g ever Once upon a time Girl dreamed that she'd be fine Is our best healer really 'time'? Weary from this slow and painful climb Start another verse Body lays cold in hearse Blood once warm now cold … Continue reading POEM- CORKSCREW *tw
Just offloading. Moments like that never get easy, no matter how much I get used to experiencing them 😔 xx summerSHINES
This is a post about my diagnosed personality disorder and me. Often people are criticised for their own self-diagnosis of supposed mental health conditions. Society argues that people will sometimes say they have self-diagnosed depression (to excuse them from being a miserable cow), or anxiety (when they want to avoid doing something), like when people … Continue reading PD? NO, JUST ME
Assertiveness is important to me. For a long time it wasn't a concept I was at all familiar with. I could have bumped into assertiveness in the street and not recognised her. To assert is to say what you need/ what you want/ what you're not prepared to accept. It's a fine art, to get … Continue reading IN PURSUIT OF COMFORT
This is a random stream-of-consciousness succession of blunt questions I'd like to know about my mum and the rest of my estranged family if they could hear me right now. (In no particular order). I know I'll never probably get the answers, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't ask the questions. TW* blunt questions relating … Continue reading NO FURTHER QUESTIONS
TW** upsetting themes about loss, death, cancer, suicide, and abuse and estrangement from parents. I read a blog just earlier by a lovely blogger friend who is really close to my heart. We are completely different characters, but united. For whatever reason, we click. There was a line in her blog which leapt off … Continue reading ALL ABOUT MUM *tw
Finally, I can breathe. The house sighs with relief, just as I do. There is quiet. There is calm. There is me, just me, and the keys. There are notebooks and neat piles of paper in organised rows that prove my recent productiveness. Finally I can come up for air, and tell you what life … Continue reading HUMAN AFTERALL