Today has been a day for expressing and feeling other people’s emotion, in both positive and destructive ways. In only I had a membrane to allow only the positive emotions reaching me from others and getting into my heart, and not also the negative energies.
I am a heart on sleeve wearer generally, but I am also very accomplished at exhibiting emotional control at certain times, not always on demand, but just when I’m in a strong frame of mind.
Today I did something nice for my husband, as it’s our wedding anniversary and I wanted to express how much I appreciate him and how I’d be lost without him. I posted a video (which I designed and made on the computer for him,) on his Facebook page. I’d been planning it for a few days and spent a long time making the video, so although the present didn’t cost anything, I had spent several hours making it, so it was home-made with love :)
My husband isn’t generally into public displays of affection, so I didn’t make it too ‘American rom com’ in style for him ;) He really loved it. He loved the surprise element, and making him happy made me happy. My kids loved it too, as they understood it is not all about expensive gifts…that thoughtfulness is everything.
Expressing my feelings and telling him what a saint he is for putting up with me made him feel appreciated and special, as I don’t always make him feel like the most special person.
Having been together as long as we have, and me having the PTSD-induced emotional glitches I have, romance and fun has been low down on the agenda over recent years which is sad. One half of the partnership having had a complete psychological breakdown is going to pressurise any relationship, soul mates or not..and that is exactly what has happened…but we’re getting back on track now, and me wearing my heart on my sleeve and putting that video out there was a good thing. **He bought me the three-foot flamingo btw for my anniversary present which I mentioned and pictured in an earlier post ;) Here it is again…. there is a flamingo theme-I’m kinda an obsessive ;)
So, the morning, pre-school run went by really nice..and buoyed up by the lovey dovey-ness of the anniversary I thought I’d broach the subject of my daughter’s impending school transfer to the head teacher of her existing school.
Oops… from happy vibes to awkward vibes…she wore her heart on her sleeve in a slightly lesser-than-friendly way. She wasn’t unkind in what she said, it was more the ‘easy for even an emotionally illiterate to read’ hostile body language and facial expressions, and what she didn’t say, that made me pretty well aware of her feelings about us moving our child away from the school.
The thing is, when you are nice to someone, and polite and friendly and inoffensive, but they still fundamentally don’t like the content of what you’re saying, their emotions can’t help but leak out of them, and as an empathic person, I detect them easily. Their emotions get into my heart, even though they are not my emotions to own…and a few hours later, I’m still brooding about it, which is a pity, after my lovely morning.
I knew what I was saying wasn’t going down well, in real time. My social skills were extended to their maximum, and my diplomacy was at 100%…but still it is impossible to please everyone, if what you’re thinking or feeling or believing conflicts with what they are thinking or wanting or believing.
I do understand it from her point of view though, and I didn’t panic. I stayed cool and calm and gently assertive. I am quite proud of how I handled it communication wise, and if I had my time over again I wouldn’t have said it any differently…but still I feel a little provoked and frustrated that the person I spoke to didn’t handle her reaction with as much emotional control as I did.
But I am only responsible for me, and not other people’s reactions…I intellectually know that…so why then do I continue to feel bad a few hours after that conversation? Why can’t I just brush it off? Why can’t I think of the happy appreciation from my husband?… my soul-mate, instead of the unfriendly vibes directed towards me from someone who after a few weeks time I will never see again.
This is something I need to work on…allowing the good to sink in and stick, and filtering out the bad and the unhelpful so it cannot affect my emotional peace of mind. If anyone knows of any tips of how they do this, please let me know in the comments section! as I have been trying to learn this skill all 35 years of my life!!! :) That’d be awesome-share your secrets please with me :) X
Summer (learning to shine). xxx