HYPO GLARE

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This was going to be titled hypomanic reflections, as I’m hypomanic and wanted to do a spot of clever thinking, but then I realised I’m hypomanic so can’t think as everything is so FAST so instead of reflection it’s more GLARE in capital letters. Typing super fast (I am) can you tell. Life as I know it is BONKERS but lush, and tonight I’m hypo and tomorrow I may be anything and before I was depressed and my thoughts don’t make sense and are badly disorganised and I’m not editing this as this has only taken 65 secs to type so far so excuse any errors that may come up…this is all to illustrate hypomania.

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It’s something that’s often part of bipolar disorder but I get it too because I have emotionally unstable personality disorder which is basically bipolar vastly speeded up with some extra bits added which mean I feel a lot if pain and also much pleasure. I get the extreme bits of the edge of the curve which you probably don’t, unless you’re bipolar, cyclothymic or EUPD/ BPD like me. I cycle a lot. I prefer to say cycle rather than swing as swinging is what children do and people who like to have sex with other people’s husbands. I also would quite like to have sex with other people but don’t act on it so I’m not technically a swinger. I prefer the term mood cycling. I don’t believe I made any spelling errors yet which makes me quite cool *bo selecta!*

My guy BFF said last night my personality is INTENSE which I’m cool with. I can’t exactly argue with that can I…I have moods of calmness and lots of depression but I’m also quite chirpy like a bird and lively like a lively person who swallowed a bottle of lively potion-emotion do you know stands for energy-in-motion so I have a lot of emotion which means I am constantly mother fucking in motion running fucking fast doing marathons backwards then forwards in my sleep and awake plus awake when I’m asleep. SPEED. And I wanted drugs this weekend surely I must have realised I don’t need drugs when I can trip just from being my authentic personality! Crazy times!!! I like my personality. Some don’t. Fuck ’em if they don’t, and if I’m hypomanic I’ll fuck em when I do too ;) as horniness is a sign of hypomania I think I might stop and breathe for a quick minute………………………….you shouldn’t have typed that *sorry guys and girls*

Whoa.

I took some breaths there. Making myself type  s  l  o  w. Otherwise I will lose my credibility as a blogger who can spell and use punctuation in the manner the creators of the English language intended.

Whoa…… s  l  o  w   d  o  w  n.

Hypomania is quite a quirky part of my “condition.”

Last night I asked my guy BFF about how I come across to him, and whether I had any constancy in personality. He said I am constant, but with very wide margins of variability (or something like that) which basically equates to “NO!” ;) What I think characterises me as a person is depression and I describe myself as a depressive in my blog, but am I really a depressive?

What is most striking to people is how I come across when hypomanic, and I guess that is actually quite a lot, more than I think…but to me the hypomanic phases are fast and gone in the blink of an eye, as my thoughts and everything are lightning quick, so it seems to be only five minutes. How long I’m like this I don’t know.

I’m not hypomanic now.

That was a cycle.

That is because I have calmed myself and realised I’m hypomanic and engaged my brain and remembered how much I usually hurt much of the time. That soon curtails my hypomanic spells. Memory of the shitness that cycles afterwards.*oh poo*

Up.

Down.

Little fish. Big fish. Cardboard box. The mood equivalent of mis-matched ill-fitting socks ;)

I think I’m hilarious in this mood ;) ……You be the judge of that.

Head hurts now.

:(

Cycles of everlasting psychedelic craziness.

You idiot.

You have no minimal control over yourself.

You wrote about swinging you idiot *sigh*

Don’t be so hard on yourself girl. It’s just your brain got a bit jumbled up in the wash by trauma. You were washed in a 60 degree hardcore cotton wash, when you shoulda been washed on a 30 degree delicate cycle…. so now you cycle in mood and you don’t swing and never will.

*sigh*

I feel depressed now. This fucking disorder.

*pulls face that isn’t very happy*

*sigh*

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That was me, in the brief glare of hypomania…*before you pedantic types write in, I know clinical hypomania has to last at least four days, but I just have everything speeded up*

hypomania
ˌhʌɪpə(ʊ)ˈmeɪnɪə/
noun

Psychiatry
noun: hypomania
  1. a mild form of mania, marked by elation and hyperactivity.

    10-ways-to-curb-mania-and-hypomania-722x406mind

 

 

 

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16 thoughts on “HYPO GLARE

  1. Oh yes, I can relate to this! I get these damn ‘swings’ too. And just as quickly fall down again. xx

  2. All good. Everyone should write the way they think sometimes….good insight even if it…eh hem…meanders!

  3. I did add some commas at the end, and correct two typos. The perfectionist came in at the last second to rescue the post 😂 It is so tiring inside my brain, true 😴 *yawning* Thanks for your comment 😊

  4. It’s 3.40am here and I should be asleep but I’m hypo 😜 Was it a yikes-ish post?! I’m too hypo to judge *thanks v much* i think 😋😄That was just ten minutes stream of consciousness. I’m used to “messy”. I need Wellington boots to protect me from the splash 😂

  5. That rated pretty high on the Yikes Meter….but I feel you. No judgment! It’s a damn mess in my head most of the time but it makes sense to me and I get shit taken care of so that’s all I care about!

  6. Thank you Summer for letting us see inside your head, it is brave of you. Your shiney personality definitely shined through, if not in high speed, It must be incredibly tiring! I too loved the drawings. I think your friend is right, I think your personalty is constant just varies between hyper and slow. Are you certain you didn’t correct your typos, maybe you did it so fast you weren’t aware?! 😆

  7. Ahah, I love your bonkersness, it’s the best. There’s always a first time for everything, right? ;) 😆

  8. The drawings are so cute! I almost felt like I was getting a heart attack while reading this post, it was quite intense. There were definitely some humorous moments as well.

  9. I love how your brain works. I couldn’t help but chuckle at some of what you wrote.:) Awesome post! P.S. How may I refer to you?

  10. Definitely, it’s revealing. I wrote it very quickly and crashed very quickly. It’s quite remarkable how that happens with me! I like writing in this style but most people don’t have the confidence as it doesn’t always paint you in a great light. I don’t mind about that. I am who I am :)

CHAT TO ME (I am actually human)

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