One plus one.This is our story. When he and she became we.

You and me-eyes locked together in a smoky pub. I looked to the floor. I was shy. You were confident. I thought you were too good for me. You wanted me. You stared at me. You got drunk. I got drunker. You followed me to the club. “Yes, I am wearing something under this big black fur coat” I had to say, as you cheekily asked me. You danced around me. We danced together. We kissed. We left and walked in the same direction to my parent’s house-you did the gentlemanly thing of walking me home to keep me safe. I was sweet sixteen. You were totally twenty and you had your own car. FREEDOM from the enslavement of life with my abusers a.k.a ma famille.

Heady highs. Intoxicated sensual bonding magical fantastic you fucked me senseless just like I wanted you to. Every day a dream better than dreams were advertised as. You accepted my occasional tears. You are a beta man, not an alpha. Gimme a beta man specimen any day of the week. Sensitive, kind, yeah a little emotionally inept, but you had HEART. You still have heart, but I’ve beat a lot of that joy out of you and I’m so sorry my love.

Crying became more. Fucking happened less. Depression. Breakdown. Prozac prescription at sixteen, but you fucking stayed! You didn’t desert me-YOU NEVER HAVE. You chuckled at my “high maintenance personality”…we both laughed at it. “I’ll always keep you on your toes I said, keep life interesting”….

What have I done to keep your life “interesting”?

Pluses. I’m good in bed. I’m hot. I gave you two beautiful babies. That’s it.

Minuses. I’m mentally unwell. I had another breakdown, this one a suicidal one-I tried to drown myself once and took two major overdoses. I was hospitalised for my safety during acute crisis three times. I tried to kill myself on the hospital ward. I cut myself when I can’t cope. Last year you took 4 months sick leave because I couldn’t be left alone without trying to kill myself. The year before it was 3 months.

I’m hardly a great catch am I!?

But you fucking stay! You stayed at home to be with me today. You will be around tomorrow too. You will never leave me, no matter what I do. I had affairs. You forgave me. I’m a total bitch to you sometimes. A TOTAL BITCH, but you fucking love me, for whatever reason you love me and you always will. It can’t just be cause of the blow jobs surely??! I know they’re good but not enough to base a marriage on ;)

You love me for me.

You don’t want anybody else.

It is starting to sink in just how much you love me, to have put up with all of this, all of me. You want me for ETERNITY.

I will give you eternity.

I promise you.

I will stay.

I love you.

I can never live my life without holding your hand.

I know you will stay.

I really fucking have you don’t I. I have your love. I have your loyalty. I have your devotion. Why that is I have no idea, but I am starting to believe it. I am starting to feel secure. It has taken me 18 years of testing to know I got you. You got me.

And it all began when he and she became we.

Perfect two. Me and you


If we had our time over again and you asked me to marry you again…of course I’d say, “I do” x



20 thoughts on “HE + SHE = WE

  1. Barney says:

    I thought it might be, and I was teasing. I’m struggling with my own issues at the moment and the topic of the post twirling about in my head is Surrender, surrender to God, I suck at it! πŸ˜”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. summerstartstoshine says:

    Whoa, heavy stuff. I’m good at untangling issues if you ever wanna email me. With other people’s issues I usually grasp things pretty quickly and am able to help, it’s my own issues I struggle with!! I suck at lots of things Barn…sometimes it’s because we are internally unconsciously resisting it…the trick is working out of your resistance is something destructive or constructive…what I mean by that is, if the achievement of your goals are being hampered by a certain behaviour, are you self sabotaging (in a bad way) or should you listen to the resistence and take that as a signal that you are looking for relief of yours and others suffering in the wrong direction? Something to thing about maybe…unless I’ve just totally confused you ;)


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