Fucking speechless I am, luckily not word-less [as that would render it a shit post]…I am BLOWN AWAY by humanity and the niceness of it lately.
First, I put a ‘cry for support’ post out when I spin into mental health crisis, and I have beautiful comments left from blogger friends, old and new, giving support that was INVALUABLE to me until I found my wobbly feet again and rose back out of the danger zone and into the safe zone. I also am given a supply of Lush bath bombs and heal in the milky waters of several aromatherapy baths which calm my frayed nerves and allow me quiet time and space to centre myself.

Second, I am inspired by lots of bloggers writing about the dark side of Halloween, people writing posts explaining about Ritual Abuse and the Satanic rituals characteristic of this time of  year and the devastating psychological effect of enduring torture of this magnitude.

Third, I sit dissociated and introverted in my house tonight, all decorated up by my husband with spiders and webs and all other horrible Halloween paraphernalia, wanting to cry…then two school mum friends arrive, [they know I had a mental health crisis as they had to care for my children one day], so they make a concerted effort to talk to me in a positive way about my writing…. They tell me I’m a talented writer, that I have natural flair for it, that I must pursue writing as a lifestyle and passion and way of making money. They tell me even my Facebook posts were well written (before I left Facebook). They tell me they couldn’t write like me, that I have a quirky style and I stand out among other writers. They give me very doable and inspiring ideas of local places I could approach to ask if they want to take on a writer. They tell me of a mentoring place in the nearest city that is really good at helping aspiring creative people how to make their dreams a reality [my friend knows, as she used them] They are full of ideas for how to help me and together we brainstorm and my mood lifts. My future suddenly seems exciting instead of an uphill struggle.

Forth, I get a very good reception since coming out in the vlogs and in my blog posts as a SRA cult survivor. No trolls to be seen, just nice people…that restores my faith. New people have contacted me and offered support, strangers. Wow!

FINALLY, my AMAZING friend, a local man who I met at a Mind support group for those with mental health problems [the one who was there to walk the dogs for me and phone for help when I self-harmed] emails me with this message…


This is my Facebook post today to spread awareness of SRA

If you knew a person like me who was tortured by Satanic Ritual Abusers (SRA) throughout her childhood you would not celebrate Halloween!!!! 

In these evil monster’s world, today is a day of sacrifice by the cult and makes me feel very uncomfortable and angry about the whole thing. She was repeatedly raped by a gang which was led by her DAD in a church from age 3 to 16 in front of an audience at night ….unbelievable but sadly true.

What’s more when she became pregnant her babies were forcibly born in front of the cult on Halloween night and as a result she has on 5 occasions miscarried or had still births (as these sickos wanted to hide the fact she was pregnant) 

She has been left with massive emotional pain and a private empty grave on Holy Island for these 5 lost children!

It was all in secret and the cult hid behind their upstanding good jobs and positions of authority (ie Chemist, members of the church, Doctor etc) and are still respected within her old community.

Are you thinking Jimmy Saville I am ? SICK EVIL MONSTERS

As a result she suffers from PTSD and flashbacks due to the trauma. As well as depression, mood swings and panic attacks and body dysmorphia. She is amazing with a wonderful soul and warm heart but of course shattered self worth and self esteem. She went on to get 2 psychology degrees, get married and raise a beautiful family and tries to raise awareness of SRA and general mental health issues by blogging. She has been forced to relocate, disowning her parents and siblings, who have covered this whole thing up and say she is delusional and mentally ill!

She is trying to rebuild her life but naturally Halloween is a very traumatic day for her as her abusers wore heavy dark hooded robes.

I know this is a disturbing post (especially for the glossy Facebook world) however SRA needs to be talked about because it is a taboo subject. So please believe me it is real and will sadly be very real for many tortured souls today !!!!
My friend has been in suicidal crisis this week due to the thought and deep horror of Halloween looming. She is a very strong person but at times the acute pain of her past gets all too much for her to cope with….Quelle surprise!
So when you celebrate tonight please spare a moment to think how triggering and scary this day is for some abused people.
Thanks for letting me make you aware of SRA

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Crying happy tears

Thank you every last one of you XXXXXX

Summer, shining brighter every day

Nothing will extinguish my inner flame

I was born to survive

So survive I will :) X

…With A LOT of help from AMAZING PEOPLE like you, the people reading the summerstartstoshine blog HUGS