The title is maybe a bit cheekily misleading…this is a virtual coffee break chat post. The tap and unwrap bit is that I HAVE to have Terry’s chocolate orange when I have coffee with a friend. Do you have Terrys choc orange in other parts of the world? squinting, deep in thought
I got the idea for this post from Liz@mywellbeingandlearningjourney and copied it ;) but have made it my own…As I’m a control freak I shall be writing responses I’d get from the person I’m having coffee with ;)…loosely based on my real-life local human friend, fellow blogger, and all round quality person. I am leaving her nameless for anonymity’s sake, but when she reads this she will know who she is :) What shall I call her…..mmmmm scratching chin…ah I know…”Shiraz”
She pulls up in racing green Ford Focus (she is born and bred in the country), out she steps, clad in horsey gear (she has an actual horse)… in she comes
ME “Hi darlin!”
SHIRAZ “Darling, how the fuck are you?” [she swears even more than me]
removes riding boots
“So…what’s the craic?”…[translation, how are you, what’s the gossip etc]
ME “Life’s CRAYYY-SIE Shiraz”
SHIRAZ “Tell me about it”…rants for a long while in a comedic and uplifting breath of fresh air fashion
“So… are things better for you now?”
ME “Yeah…I guess, tons better than I was a week ago. A week ago I was fucked Shiraz, not literally, that happened last night ;P I mean head fucked…so bloody poorly”.
SHIRAZ “Don’t you remember my advice that time…”WILL YOU JUST HAVE A FUCKIN WORK WI YASELF WILL YER!””…spoken in broad Northumbrian accent
[I don’t take offence at this, she means it in a tension relieving making me laugh kinda way, AND SHE DOES MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH, she’s my funny friend who has a history of depression but doesn’t take life too serious as her coping strategy to deal with said depression.]
We have had many conversations in the past about how she aspires to get a job on the crisis helplines. Her stock response would be…”HAVE YOU TRIED GIN?” This may sound ‘wrong’ but to be fair, this would still surpass the typical NHS crisis team usual responses which are dia-fucking-bolical!!! and I think in times of crisis, gin probably would help me more.
…”So, how’s Mr sales rep?”
ME “Not good Shiraz…he got [unfairly] bollocked by the associate director at the national sales meeting last week, in front of the whole company, for suggesting they trial a new product which customers had been asking for.”
SHIRAZ “FFS! FUCKING MANAGERS WITH THEIR NARCISSISTIC EGOS. Bless him”
ME “I don’t know what to do to help him. It’s tense in the house, and my feet are sticky from the broken egg shells I keep stepping on. It’s really got to him, and he needs loads of love. I just don’t know what to say to him… he wants to leave him job, but I panic as we need his income.”
SHIRAZ “Have you tried lots of shagging to cushion the blow?”
ME “Obvs, that was my first strategy…but he feels too fed up to be interested always”
SHIRAZ “I have no other ideas then” ;)
we both giggle like school girls
ME “Oh hun…exhales deeply life is hard isn’t it…”
SHIRAZ “Yeah, it can be… but there’s always gin” :)
….I won’t write any more as there would be much swearing and gossiping about people we know in the local area and don’t like that much, and chatter about school and kids and who is shagging who and gin and shagging and gin and shagging and gin and shagging ;)
Here is a link to her blog HERE . Shiraz is special to me, as on one winter’s day while cosied up under fleece blankets on her squishy sofas in her STUNNING converted barn, we first talked about blogging and how we both wanted to try it. We agreed we would and she gave me lots of advice about it and spurred me on to try it. I tried a blog on Blogger first called “Lolita dances with flamingos” which gave me the bug for it, then to get a worldwide audience and fancier looking blogs I migrated to WordPress. My next blog was “I sing the body electric,” then “pink bike tales” then “the 21g soul blog” and now “summerstartstoshine”… my last and, arguably, my best :)
I love friends who inspire you to take positive actions in your lives. Without Shiraz, I wouldn’t be blogging now. Imagine that! I love her for the positive impact she’s had on me and for being my longest standing most loyal friend since I moved here five years ago.
She doesn’t judge me for my mental health problems. We don’t really have lots of heart of hearts about it, we keep the conversation light and breezy, but that is therapy for me. She’s a bright spark breath of fresh air, and she’s the only local, (bar one), who has embraced me as an outsider to the area. She is hilariously funny.
She describes in her blog people who flock from the cities and buy ponies which they can’t even fucking ride, just because they wanna do the whole ‘country thing’
They couldn’t ride in a fucking taxi with the door shut!!!
…is her favourite expression ;)
She refers to the poor ponies which go unridden by the city types as ‘field ornaments!’ Love that!!!!
She’s ace. Try reading her blog, it’s quirky and clever and fabulous. She is a GREAT writer. Her “I’ve got a shit cat,” is another personal favourite post of mine. In her blog she has a child called Britney (not her real name) ;) haha
There’s no one else I’d rather tap and unwrap my Terry’s chocolate orange with, and I won’t ever attempt to wear jodhpurs on the school run-no fucking chance! my thighs are way too thunderous
Thank heaven for people who you can have real-life coffee breaks with; who enrich your existence, who make life easier rather than harder, and who inspire you to do amazing things in your life like write blog posts such as this one :)
Shiraz, I love ya ma darling XXX