BPD. THE SILENT ENEMY.

A video I made today on BPD/EUPD…a taste of how it feels for me. BPD is an invisible emotional disorder, with some biological/neurological/heredity component…but one which is usually borne from difficult childhoods. The repeated wounds of childhood for the abused, neglected or traumatised child never fully heal…so life continues to hurt a great deal in adult life. We live in threat mode. We are the most sensitive people on the planet. We’ll do anything for you to make you feel better, because we are empathisers of the highest calibre. Why do we empathise we well? Because we know emotion, my god don’t we know it. People with BPD live emotionally dysregulated lives. We feel emotions significantly more than non-BPD people/ BPD affects everything- our thoughts, emotions, relationship patterns. We are ruled by our hearts, leading to impulsive pleasure seeking emotional pain killing behaviour, and our heads tell us things about ourselves that are critical and shaming, as that is how we were conditioned to think by the caregivers that made us feel we are unlovable creatures. Our self-esteem is low. We often have co-occurring psychiatric disorders; depression, anxiety, social anxiety, PTSD, eating disorders, body dysmorphia, panic disorder etc and sometimes slip into mini psychotic  and dissociative episodes under intense stress. We are likely to turn to risky behaviours sometimes and are prone to self-harm (because as hard as it is to believe, self harm can make us feel better). We go into sudden crisis when we are triggered by particular things…rejection, failure, and criticism to name but a few. Suicide attempts are common, and completed suicide is also common. The two classes of psychiatric patient most likely to actually die from their mental illnesses are severely depressed patients and those with BPD. We make up 20% of inpatients in acute psychiatric care and trips to A&E (the ER for Americans) are not unusual. The extent our emotions overwhelm us make everyday life, holding down a job and raising kids an uphill struggle.

We suffer invisibly.

Non-BPD people just have no idea how much.

I have wanted to make a video on BPD for a while and finally I am doing it. It was therapy for me on a bad day.

Enjoy, and tell me what you think (any feedback welcome) SHARE YOUR SHINE x

 

 

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20 thoughts on “BPD. THE SILENT ENEMY.

    1. I love how you mention the pain but also the dark beauty. I think there is a beauty to it too. I think people with BPD are quite special in so many ways, and certainly never dull. We shine bright like diamonds 😘 I’m always amazed if a video brings someone to tears. That’s good in my book, as I want people to feel. I really appreciate your feedback and constant support of me πŸ˜˜πŸ’“

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      1. I didn’t want to romanticise something so deeply painful, but I do believe the capacity to feel deeply and express the raw pain has a dark beauty to it. We can be possessed by darkness at times and most especially if we have had no light or validation shone on those very dark places. There is something to be said for someone who can sit with us in that place. But my hope for all survivors is eventually to glimpse the light of recovery shining into that deep dark place of pain. There is a lot of light out there in the world, a lot of darkness too. ❀

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    1. Do you think? I think I have lots to improve on but this is a confidence boost. Sometimes I get more satisfaction from putting a video together than my blog writing. I might do another one today πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‡πŸ˜ Love you πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

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    1. Hello muddled mother πŸ™‹ I’m a mum with BPD too, it’s exhausting isn’t it!! I’m glad you liked it. I don’t usually write that much explicitly about my BPD but it’s important people understand, and BPD peeps feel like their chaotic emotional lives are represented accurately. I’m so glad you liked it πŸ˜ŠπŸ‘

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    1. When I had my psychiatrist appointment to be assessed, I said to her “do you think I have BPD” and she looked at me startled…I don’t think she liked her patient diagnosing herself lol πŸ˜† I was first diagnosed with bipolar but it was later amended. It is a relief to know what you’re dealing with. And there are lots of good books on BPD, also many BPD bloggers like me πŸ˜πŸ™‹ Summer x

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