It is only, you are the only thing I’ve ever truly known
So, I hesitate, if I can act the same for you
And my darlin’, I’ll be rooting for you

I start the post with the lyrics to this love song by the inimitable London Grammar for this is the song that inspired my post. The song is moody and beautiful. Her voice is soulful, pure, unique, unfiltered, and touches me somewhere deep.

Music is open to interpretation. We make it our own. We prescribe our own meanings to it. We make music fit us and what is going on for us psychologically at whatever point in time. Music is wrapped around our shoulders and we arrange the musical and lyrical shawl so it fits and is comfortable and keeps us warm in all our emotionally cold spaces.

Why am I writing about a love song on summerSHINES? This is not my usual thing.

I don’t know why I don’t write explicitly about music more. Maybe I think music posts will be less relatable to readers as my music taste is not your taste?…however sometimes I wonder why so many people follow this blog when I am someone who has had a very unusual life and writes from that standpoint. Somehow you relate to it and my usual mind…so maybe this post will work too?

This post [and this song] is really a gift to my followers and regular blog readers.

I am not individually in love with every single one of you, as written about in love songs such as this one…but collectively I have a love for you-an appreciation-a gratitude-a curiosity as to why you continue to read, like and comment. Due to time constraints and the danger of overload I barely follow any blogs these days, yet many of you continue to read and support mine. I really appreciate that and don’t take it for granted one bit.

I have many online friends. You occupy a special place in my heart. Every one of you [except internet knobbers] are valued by me, and I root for you.

I want you to know that.

Not that long ago I used to do video messages everyday to people around the world. I used to spend a LONG time emailing advice and sharing stories and emotions with people who I came to realise had similar emotional difficulties to myself. My net for internet people is getting fuller and fuller. New fish keep getting caught in the net, adding to the shoal.

I’m no fisherlady, but I have a shoal of internet friends. [not these ones below, they are just for a laugh ;)]….

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You are on my phone…little circles on Facebook messenger, the authors of emails in my inbox and texts on my phone. You send me photos and quotes and ‘thinking of you’ type thoughtful messages that enrich my days. You offer unconditional support and acceptance of me.

There are a few fish I’ve lost along the way, but generally my shoal has only ever increased in size, not decreased.  It isn’t about quantity either. Every interaction holds meaning and quality. When I write to you I write with my full attention on you [during school hours anyway lol]. If I advise you I try and make it helpful advice. You give me that same courtesy. It all means something to you and me, and that is why it’s special.

I am blessed with respectful relationships.

Relationships with mutual care, concern and sensitivity.

No one that does NOT meet that criteria will ever make the grade for me.

I believe after all the shit I’ve been dealt in life I am now deserving of something better-better treatment-better care-better understanding-better acceptance-better enjoyment of relationships with people I trust.

I associate with people who mirror that. I seek out people who are damaged in some way but keen and motivated to mend themselves [with assistance]. I am attracted to people who want to grow. I am attracted to people who are honest about their shortcomings. Narcissists I give a wide berth too. I’ve had enough contact with narcissists to sniff out the next one that I become aware of.

I’m left with people who are kind and genuine and sincere-people who root for me and want to see me succeed.

You’re all bloody nice and special fish lol ;)

I trust my friends implicitly.

Any internet strangers have to remain on probation for a while. I have to honour my PTSD. It is a sign of self respect to want to protect yourself from anyone who you just know is toxic for you or who you are not sure about.

Who is toxic to me may well be different to who is toxic for you however.

We’re all different.

Unique.

Each of us are puzzles of a gazillion pieces.

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It takes a while for the picture to form when you get to know someone. Humans are puzzles without any boxes picturing the finished product.

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Because of my intuitive qualities, sometimes I am able to see the finished jigsaw, before the jigsaw itself (the human aka YOU) can see it…Sometimes you are so hard on yourself that you never allow yourself to see what picture you are making as clarity about who you are emerges.

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That is why I’m friends with people. To help them slot together a few more jigsaw pieces of themselves together, so they begin to see the finished picture of what they could be.

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Maybe you could call me an identity alchemist?

I dunno.

I befriend people who have a special something in them. A sparkle. A potential. A vision.

I don’t befriend people who are living but are essentially already dead, in spirit and soul.

I think I am on this earth to draw out the potential in people, who have potential.

I like building up someone’s confidence.

Right now I have a pet project. His name is Buffy Devane and he has been pushed out of the anxiety/depression nest by moi to start to blog. **Click to see his blog here

I will put hours and hours into particular people…many people in my internet net. That is done through love….and if that person I’m spending time with is YOU, or has ever been YOU, it is because…

“…my darlin’, I’m rooting for you”

xXx

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Here is the song….it may not be to everyone’s taste, and this is a stripped down live version, but to me it is absolutely gorgeous and I can’t stop listening to it  X

 

 

 

 

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