Disclaimer-This is a post about heterosexual lust, containing copious sweeping generalisations that might piss men off and lead you to stop following my blog….whatevs. Bloggers rights :) tw-sexual abuse/rape references later on in the post.

What exactly are goggles of men? Well, it is my (just thought of) descriptor for men at large. You have gaggles of geese, prides of lions, well now you have goggles of men.

[You actually do, cause I said so, so it is therefore scientific fact]

Why goggles in plural?

Well because I hate to break it to you people, but stereotypes about men [at large] are true.

Of course I cannot say every man, but it works as a crude generalisation.

Men hang about in goggles of other men, in plural and they discuss their goggling of women. Some men do it in groups. Other times when the men are away from their goggle of other gogglers, they do it in singular.ie. they goggle alone.

In private.

Men goggle at pornography.

Men goggle at pictures on social media and in newspapers and in lads mags.

Men goggle at women in the office, in the gym, in the post office, in the pub, at the school gates, on beaches, on holidays, in doctor’s waiting rooms when they are struggling to get their goggle up with their wife so are there for viagra, yet can easily get their goggle up at you because you’re new and younger and perter and more olivey skinned.

Getting their goggle up is what a lot of men who goggle in packs like to do. Or men on their own, men who are lonely and such. Men in private get their goggle up quite a lot.

To make women seem even more attractive to gogglers, they will sometimes introduce beer goggles into the scenario, or if you’re posh, a quality bottle of pinot noir.

I am sensitive about being goggled at.

I have mixed feelings about it, as a woman who has birthed two children and who has a history of sexual abuse/assault and rape.

In my hay day (I’m only 35 but I feel MUCH older than that), I used to attract many more gogglers of goggling men-randomers on the street usually; in bars, pubs, shops, at school, then college, then university.

Country gogglers. City gogglers. Town gogglers. Foreign gogglers. All kinds of gogglers.

They do not have signs on their forehead saying they are a goggler…

…but they are easily recognised (short/no hair…masculine frame…lustful alpha male facial expression).

Hard to miss.

Women know GOGGLERS are everywhere.

Any time you leave the house you are laying your metaphorical legs open to being fucked doggy style in random goggler’s mind’s. Some gogglers may prefer you on top. And other sexual tastes, preferences, or perversions I just can’t mention, as this is a wholesome family blog (NO IT’S NOT, I JUST PUT IT IN CAUSE IT’S FUNNY) polishes halo ;)

Every man who ever meets you WILL be imagining fucking you.

Hard, fast, slow, gentle, whatever.

But trust me, they will be wanting to fuck you.

Because that is what every goggler wants…to get their goggle up with you and any other suitable female dick warmers they find.

I am glad the comments are disabled here as I don’t wanna respond to your opinions at this point or anywhere later on in the post.

On to the main point of the post…now I’ve set up the wonderful metaphor of men as GOGGLES OF GOGGLERS…

Today I swam…it was my last day of RED January-the challenge of 31 days of consecutive running, biking, swimming or walking.

Imagine me in the pool swimming lengths totally relaxed with the other two females who were also swimming…then…

A goggler only went and took my peace of mind and tramped all over it.

A goggler was spotted poolside-cue uneasy feeling-I don’t like the sight of semi-naked males, particularly older ones who look very much like my dad. So I detected a goggler in my peripheral vision and the smoke alarm in my brain went off.

PTSD sexually abused/assaulted and raped ‘me’ took over in the neurological control centre.

Neurologically speaking I was already being fucked by that man, who looked very much like my dad. I felt like I was being fucked. He was thrusting inside me while I was swimming along, ‘in my head’ that is. My vagina hurt-no lie. Of course the goggler wasn’t actually fucking me nor anywhere near me, and rationally I know I was safe in that pool, but the danger level spiked in my brain when he then entered the pool and immediately began swimming underwater wearing his literal this time swimming goggles.

What the fuck?


What does a sexual assault/rape survivor think when a guy in a public pool swims underwater with goggles so you know his eyes are wide open??


That’s what this sexual assault/rape surviving PTSD suffering lady thinks anyway.

I had a few moments of panic when the flashback of being raped began…I thought to myself I can either stay in the pool and do like dory said “JUST KEEP SWIMMING JUST KEEP SWIMMING,” and devote a hell of a lot of concentration to grounding techniques and self calming inner dialogue reassuring myself that I am safe, that that stuff happened in the past when I was a child and I’m an adult now and that goggler is not there to goggle-he’s just there to swim and happens to prefer underwater swimming etc and all that jazz…OR, I could exit the pool and calm down, well away from the beady swimming goggle covered eyes of the unwanted goggler.

I took the second option. I was out of the pool so fast, wrapped myself in a towel, hid in the sauna, and did slow breathing exercises in there to calm down my PTSD high alert body to a state of calm again.

As I sat there in the sauna I reflected on what had just happened, and all so bloody fast…automatic neurological reactions originating from an oversensitised amygdala and hippocampus. (I did a course on trauma and the brain, so knowing what was going on in my brain helped reassure me not to panic…reminding myself that is was just a natural trauma reaction to a unexpected trigger from a goggler, and that I could interrupt the cycle and calm myself down again at will, which I was able to do…well done me). claps

But the whole thing made me feel pissed off…why am I so affected by gogglers? And why the hell do there have to be so many of them in this world? It is literally 50 percent of people you’ll meet.

Fuck, that’s a LOT of people to feel nervous around.

And nervous I DO feel about gogglers.

Actually truth be told I despise most of you gogglers out there.

I actually hate men.

There I’ve said it.

I have man friends…but I also do not have a very high opinion of most men, nor do I feel safe with most of you.

You call us birds don’t you men…”she’s a hot bird” etc…do you know what? I bird watch too…

for lesser spotted gogglers [!]

And sorry, my legs are just not spread ready for you, so do me a favour and quit with your incessant goggling, and keep away from swimming pools please… I’m trying to relax x