My mind is
quite very scatty today…lots of stuff…lots of doing & thinking, lots of plans…the nightmare of last night is as forgotten as it can be, considering how intense it was at the time- lots of attentional tennis balls are bouncing game set and match in my brain…slightly hypo today…just B-R-E-A-T-H-E summer…you can do it…that slow breathing thing that your therapist tells you to do…IN- OUT- SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT
Slightly (actually very) bonkers today but will attempt writing in coherent sentences starting from………………………………………………………………………………..
A meme is providing the foundation and inspiration to this post…as I have no other ideas and this is an important though slightly awkward thing to be discussed me thinks.
This is a very clever and apt illustration [not drawn by me, but by someone who can actually draw], on the subject of jealousy and inter-personal rivalry/toxicity…
I love this picture and I believe there is much truth contained within this…I know quite a bit about jealousy, and jealousy is a huge topic which could probably span several blog posts, but I’ll just write a quick summary here based on my own experience.
I can’t speak for anyone else, just for me…The first point to make is it’s actually quite hard to write about jealousy [or your sense that people are jealous of you] without sounding cocky (especially if your writing style is very black and white like mine.) I don’t spend time crafting my words into neat little box hedges of wordiness that no-one could complain at or point a finger at or criticise or disagree with. I write very much as I think, which is very certain, black and white and straight to the point, with an air of self assurance that people either respect or are repelled by.
I write with self-assurance now though because of having had low self-worth my whole life. I’m enjoying a bit of time swinging on the “I actually like myself and who I am” pole-just for fun. So my confidence iso a nice novelty and by no means typical for me.
People are [or historically have been] jealous of me (I think) for a variety of reasons….
One. I am [supposedly] nice to look at (as said by men who wanna fuck me and ladies who wanna be me).
I put that one first, because that is what has generated the biggest volume of bitchiness/bullying and nastiness from other women, leading (in part) to me previously having body dysmorphia [which is now lots better]. Ironically the bullying (by women) and the physical and sexual abuse (mainly by men) convinced me of my unattractiveness, however in hindsight I know I was singled out by the bullies purely because I was pretty and unusual looking in a good way.
Apparently the research shows being an attractive child does not make you more likely to be abused in childhood-so I cannot cite that as a causal factor. But certainly in the case of the bullying, I was bullied for being too pretty (which doesn’t make logical sense and is definitely not how I conceptualised that at the time, however this is what I now believe.)
The bullies and abusers very successfully convinced a pretty girl that she was ugly. Well done to them.
Two. I am intelligent and articulate.
Some people find this HUGELY threatening and annoying…because they know they won’t win an argument, they know I will see through their bullshit…they know I can unpick their arguments with ease…they know I can probably communicate my low opinions about them assertively to higher status people, because being intelligent and articulate allows me to comfortably rub shoulders with people of all classes and professional status levels without feeling intimidated by the cleverer richer more successful ones. This is just me laying it out straight and crude.
What is more powerful? To be gorgeous? Or to be intelligent?
Do I really have to answer that rhetorical question I just wrote?
I’m skipping that one as what’s more importantly playing in my mind is
HOW JEALOUS ARE PEOPLE WHEN YOU ARE BOTH INTELLIGENT AND PRETTY?
The answer-VERY FUCKING JEALOUS!
You can charm your way into the good books of someone with your well selected words, and you can orchestrate them admiring you without even trying. All you have to basically do is fucking look at them, with that face you have, with those curves you have, with the way you hold yourself-and you are being very much approved in all senses.
Being hot and clever is an advantage. So the less hot less clever ones get pissed off and frustrated at you.
Society for all its evolution is shallow. Attractiveness is prized and I think always will be. And as we compete for jobs and educational opportunities intelligence also divides.
In my opinion intelligent people (especially the ones who are emotionally intelligent) are (generally) better at doing small talk in a sophisticated purposeful way, and being better at small talk generally makes you more socially popular. When I was young and used to be shit at small talk, I had few friends. Now I can hold my own with the small talk I have more friends and get on with a wider range of people.
So to recap; I look ok, I speak with intelligence and am pretty socially capable.
What else do people wanna hit me round the head for or give me evil looks with their green eyes for?
….Well, I’m emotionally intelligeby and possess strong empathy and compassion.
Boy does that make me both popular and despised in this unhappy world.
Empathic communication is highly sought after-we’re a species that are herd animals. We are meant to look out for each other-but that doesn’t always happen. So the ones that do…the ones that are den mothers and compassionate nurturing types are appreciated and valued highly. Who doesn’t want someone who will offer them time, attention, reassurance, understanding, acceptance and wise direction? No-one. We all have emotional needs…and people who meet those needs well and with ease are socially sought after. Especially people with high levels of natural intuition and the ability to help people with their problems and encourage them to see things in a different light.
People both appreciate and feel envious of this empathic quality. It causes admiration and jealousy. Most socially desirable things exert these opposite effects on different people.
One person may put you on a pedestal and find you simply perfect and wonderful and amazing and tell you…maybe even on social media…and another person will read that praise and think ‘YOU FUCKING BITCH/BITCHETTE-I’M GONNA TEAR THIS PERSON DOWN.’
Not everyone sees something nice in another person and thinks ‘ah lovely-good on you-I am so glad there are people like you in the world. Instead they see that you are getting positive attention for it and want to claw that positivity back and try and inject you with their negativity potion.
I know that there are people who wish to contaminate me.
That is how I see jealousy-I see it as a person [who I recognise to be jealous as I’m intuitive like that] making a comment, throwing a look, or doing some behaviour that screams out to me JEALOUS.
I know when people are jealous…why? because they are nasty and say nasty things. I can tell by their tone. I can tell by their face. I can tell by their word choice. I can tell on an energetic level. I can sense whether someone has direct sincere intent to harm me, or whether their private jealousy is something they are trying very hard to conceal but is just leaking out of them.
I don’t mind the leakers, it’s the sprayers I have a problem with.
The sprayers are the ones that deliberately spray out their toxic negativity on purpose and make the barbed comments-the jellyfish statements that sting long after you’ve been in contact with them. The sprayers are the ones with the scornful looks, the eye rollers-they essentially are the tantruming toddlers that observe you are getting nice things happen to you because of your positive qualities, and because they can’t make nice things happen to them because they don’t possess these qualities, they try and spoil your happiness instead.
Taking you down makes them feel good.
Seeing you fall gives them a thrill….Because then they are on the same footing as you now. You are in the cess pit of inferiority too, knee deep in emotional shit too.
Confident self-assured people generally are not socially threatened or intimidated by other people as they feel good themselves, so why would they resent another person feeling good or doing well…answer. they don’t.
Others are status orientated and obsessed with external validation. Others make comparisons-feel lacking, and then the green eyed monster inside them makes them go into “IT’S NOT FAIR tantrumming toddler” mode.
Attack attack attack.
They spray you with slime to slow you down, temporarily conceal your beauty, and make you slip.
They like this reaction.
That makes them feel like the balance has been redressed.
Lots of us feel privately jealous. Jealousy is not unusual. It’s all about whar you do with that jealousy.
If you are overweight and feel jealous of a slimmer person…you can use that to motivate you to start an exercise routine and make healthier food choices.
OR, you could just be nasty and tell that slim person that they’re “a skinny bitch” and they “need to eat more”.
Saying that would be a lie…of course they’re actually jealous and would love to look like you, but saying the opposite represents a strategic effort to take a person down and erode their confidence and peace of mind so they feel less shit about being overweight themself.
I use that example as I have been slated for being too thin in the past by women who obviously were desperate to lose their excess weight and were jealous but too nasty to avoid attacking me.
It is ok to be jealous if you don’t attack the object of jealousy who you aspire to be more like….But for heavens sake please don’t verbally attack the person because you envy them. That is bullying. That is abusive. That is immoral. That is unkind. That is when jealousy goes wrong.
That was a very sweeping generalisation post 😂…this is what I did earlier when painting with my 8 year old 😊❤💕