PD ANGST

Today is a pants day. I feel angst-ridden, bitter, depressed, lifeless and generally shit which is why I significantly over-used the word “shit” whilst drawing these scribbles earlier. 

I’m off duty today. I cannot be an internet inspirer today. Sometimes mind crap accumulates and has to be expressed. I’m sorry this is not uplifting reading…this is the yang…I’m usually a yin person, but mental health is a varied beast and cannot be pinned down to one level of healthiness. I am all layers of strength (sometimes deficits) of mental healthiness from one day to the next. 

Mental healthiness lies on a continuum. People without diagnosed mental health disorders lie on the same mental health continuum…they just inhabit the healthier end of it. Those people with mental health problems can sometimes function as a non poorly person would, (in other words well), and usually mentally healthy people can find themselves sliding all to way down to my neck of the usual mood/coping woods (the crappy end) given a sufficient build up of life circumstances. 

Myself, I have been functioning at my top end of mental healthiness lately and doing a bloody good job of it I might add…but coping unnaturally well for a time usually leads to a slightly panicked decompensation at some point or another. My borderline PD essentially reminds me it hasn’t let me go yet. I’m still within its grasp. PTSD too. It’s still there, lurking away ready to pounce. More on that in my next post…I am currently waiting for my darling children to relinquish control of both laptops so I can blog faster and better. Mobile phone wordpress app tapping is just not satisfying me today.

I’ll be back with verbal explanations, but I’ll leave you with some doodles about how I feel about BPD. Today…I feel distinctly un-good about it.

Sad face :(

SummerSHINES 

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8 thoughts on “PD ANGST

  1. Perfect. Remember it’s okay to not feel okay and to just let yourself sit with whatever you are feeling at the moment. The most important part is that you don’t stay there… And I know you won’t <3

  2. Good days are truly like gold. You’re totally right there. I am trying my best to fight back, but also allowing some resting time to build my strength up again 😊 X

  3. Sorry to hear you are having a shit day. You’re writing, however, tells you what you already know… it’s part of the deal, unfortunately. I like how you compared people w/o mental illness to those of us with it. Their shit days are probably closer to our good days. One thing we learn is to find and hold onto those good days like gold. They will be back. I love your positive attitude, it SHINES even on shit days <3 xoxo

CHAT TO ME (I am actually human)

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