Today is a pants day. I feel angst-ridden, bitter, depressed, lifeless and generally shit which is why I significantly over-used the word “shit” whilst drawing these scribbles earlier.
I’m off duty today. I cannot be an internet inspirer today. Sometimes mind crap accumulates and has to be expressed. I’m sorry this is not uplifting reading…this is the yang…I’m usually a yin person, but mental health is a varied beast and cannot be pinned down to one level of healthiness. I am all layers of strength (sometimes deficits) of mental healthiness from one day to the next.
Mental healthiness lies on a continuum. People without diagnosed mental health disorders lie on the same mental health continuum…they just inhabit the healthier end of it. Those people with mental health problems can sometimes function as a non poorly person would, (in other words well), and usually mentally healthy people can find themselves sliding all to way down to my neck of the usual mood/coping woods (the crappy end) given a sufficient build up of life circumstances.
Myself, I have been functioning at my top end of mental healthiness lately and doing a bloody good job of it I might add…but coping unnaturally well for a time usually leads to a slightly panicked decompensation at some point or another. My borderline PD essentially reminds me it hasn’t let me go yet. I’m still within its grasp. PTSD too. It’s still there, lurking away ready to pounce. More on that in my next post…I am currently waiting for my darling children to relinquish control of both laptops so I can blog faster and better. Mobile phone wordpress app tapping is just not satisfying me today.
I’ll be back with verbal explanations, but I’ll leave you with some doodles about how I feel about BPD. Today…I feel distinctly un-good about it.
Sad face :(