Diversion alert.

Maybe this coaching idea is not something that I should put all my focus on? [right now this very second I mean.]

Maybe there are things that are more important?

Pause Summer.

What do you really want…..hand on heart?

Answer-I want to save the children.

That is my answer.

…..What children?

Answer-children and adolescents that may be being abused by adults now :(

I could life coach adults, OR, I could focus my creative energy on forging links with local police and schools-to see how I might be able to become involved in awareness raising and educating- teaching children the vital life skills they need to recognise what abuse is, what forms it can take, how you can be groomed by adults you trust who may even share a house with you or be related. I never knew that what happened to me was abuse. Many children don’t. I’m not alone in that. Also working to empower children and adolescents to have the confidence to disclose abuse so that perpetrators are found and children and put from harm’s way. Being the role model who children trust and warm to, enabling them to let their secrets out.

I want to be that person.

This sudden questioning of my goals has arisen from watching a channel 4 documentary where I watched a paedophile being interviewed in a police cell in the county my own abuse happened, about how he was talking to girls under 13 on internet chatrooms and downloading and distributing indecent images and videos of a girl who had the appearance of a 6-8 year old. That happened recently, in a place very near my home town. That was not something in the 80’s and 90#s (when my abuse happened). This is 2017!!! A child NOW.

I know, and we all know child abuse happens…of course we do, but it is very different reading in in a newspaper than seeing a documentary of an actual paedophile with a name, a face and a personality, getting an increasingly chilling picture build up of what he did to those girls so recently :( That makes it REAL for me. Even more real than the traumatic memories in my own head.

So my priority list has just been dramatically reshuffled.

I have so many plans regarding the changes I want to make in the world. I have to take each possibility in turn and prioritise them.

I think my heart is more in the child abuse protection and awareness issue than the adult life coaching, at least right this second. What is more important than the welfare of a child? Very little, I’d answer to that.

I have SO MANY plans and dreams.

How on earth can I execute all of them? says the voice of reason/self-doubt

That is the challenge-having a heart that is bigger than your immediate mental, emotional and logistical ability to complete everything that drops into your vision as being an important and worthy goal that you wish to pursue.

I am made away with ambition. I have LOADS of drive. I believe I have the skills to back it up. So why can’t I do these things I want to? To improve specific lives of actual children today?

To exact my own revenge, by making it easier for those victimised, and harder for those who choose to abuse to carry on abusing.

What I need though is time, thinking space and an epic intuitive understanding of what to do first. I want to do it all-but can I? Can I really do all of this?

That remains to be seen.

All I know is my heart will carry me forward and I will always act in the interests of as many people that my heart can touch in one go.

My heart is here to care, to prompt action, to strive, to drive myself and others forwards, to envision, to sense, to love, but also to prioritise.

That is what my heart has to do, and it will, because I’m the owner of the heart and I trust it implicitly.

I trust myself to do the right thing.

summerSHINES ©




15 thoughts on “TRUST…HEART

  1. Liz says:

    I think what ever route you choose, you will do well. It’s always good to have different ideas and as you have found, what makes you tick. I know I am frustrated with my path. I know what I want, but it is feeling a little hard to get there. I am frustrated with my volunteer role. I am looking at choosing my time elsewhere volunteering somewhere else. I feel my time is being wasted currently.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. summerSHINES says:

    I’m sorry you feel frustrated…getting the right match between yourself and your current work or volunteering opportunities is not an easy thing to master-I empathise. Sometimes taking a step back and meditating or doing something creative or out in nature soothes my busy brain enough to allow clarity to emerge. Today I am in an emotionally heightened state because of what I’ve watched on TV but I’m sure sleeping on it will help. Nothing is set in stone and plans can change-I think the main goal is to retain an open mind and not close your mind off too quickly. Open mindedness is such an asset…I really hope you are able to brainstorm some ideas for what might be more valuable use of your time. Best of luck :)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Liz says:

    I have been frustrated for months. They are not making use of me. Also, I have learnt, that even if I got in the role I want, it doesn’t happen as often as I thought. (Once a month, with accessional two.) I want to do something each week, over two days at least.

    I have put my frustrations on paper. I don’t know if I will post it yet or not, but if I do, then it will air on Sunday with an already planned sharpie post. So if I air my frustration one, then it will make two sharpie posts that day.

    I am looking at two alternative volunteer places. But I may see what my local Mind has to offer. I have been in touch, it’s just the matter of filling in volunteer application form and go from there. They are having a fayre in March, so I plan to go to that and see what they are like, if I am not already there before. :)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Liz says:

    Out of the two I have been looking at, my gut is telling me Mind. The other would have been working with children who have disabilities or mental health and helping the families of those with children who have disabilities. I have not worked with children for some time, where as being around adults with mental health is the area I am familiar with. :)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. summerSHINES says:

    Good point. I wanna reach as mange people as possible…and look after adult survivors, but also the children themselves. I need some meditation or other time out in think to reflect. I’ll talk to my psychologist tomorrow too. She is the voice of calm reason. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  6. summerSHINES says:

    Yes I understand that adult mental health is probably your natural direction. It sounds awesome! Let us know how you get on…and I can’t wait to see your sharpie post on Sunday! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Christine Smith says:

    Its a dilemma – if you continue with your life coaching idea it will take time to come to fruition and as and when it does, you will be able to take on clients at times which suit what you are doing on a day to day basis. If you find an outlet to be able to talk to school children about abuse, again, it won’t be everyday and again you can do this around your other activities. But whatever you do, you mustn’t forget ‘you’ in all of this and must continue with the things which make you feel good and progress your journey to a better sunnier place. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  8. summerSHINES says:

    Yes that’s good balanced advice. I need to think of it not as either/or but finding ways to combine both. I think I am just emotional today after watching the programme but I will feel clearer in time. The good thing is everything I want to do is flexible and can be juggled around. I just need to ensure I don’t get confused with too many plates spinning in the air at once. I know I need to prioritise my wellbeing and my family. I think I just have a frustration that’s built up because my mental health illness has completely dominated my existence for several years, so I want to make significant progress this year in a sustainable way. I need to ensure I have enough resources to give to clients. XX Thanks for your advice lovely 😊


  9. lizalizaskysaregrey says:

    I get you, obviously having worked with children who have been abused for years myself. Thing is, while I agree people need to warn all children of the dangers and I think this does happen in schools etc. I think your best placed with those that might have been traumatized by abuse, because you understand. Nothing worse for these kids than platitudes or speaking with people who haven’t a clue how they feel and can’t put themselves there emotionally. Adult survivors too, your a survivor yourself so who wouldn’t learn from you. These are so similar to my own thoughts lately! Hope you do t mind me putting in my two pence worth lovely, but think there are a lot of people who can talk to schools but not many who can do the work you can xx

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Liz says:

    Yes, mental health feels the right direction and more so with adults.
    I am just chasing up on who will provide me references. Already asked one who gave me before who will be my main one and then I have the one where I have volunteered already the last few years. So will be next week before I have filled in volunteer application form. :)

    Liked by 1 person

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