Maybe this coaching idea is not something that I should put all my focus on? [right now this very second I mean.]
Maybe there are things that are more important?
What do you really want…..hand on heart?
Answer-I want to save the children.
That is my answer.
Answer-children and adolescents that may be being abused by adults now 😦
I could life coach adults, OR, I could focus my creative energy on forging links with local police and schools-to see how I might be able to become involved in awareness raising and educating- teaching children the vital life skills they need to recognise what abuse is, what forms it can take, how you can be groomed by adults you trust who may even share a house with you or be related. I never knew that what happened to me was abuse. Many children don’t. I’m not alone in that. Also working to empower children and adolescents to have the confidence to disclose abuse so that perpetrators are found and children and put from harm’s way. Being the role model who children trust and warm to, enabling them to let their secrets out.
I want to be that person.
This sudden questioning of my goals has arisen from watching a channel 4 documentary where I watched a paedophile being interviewed in a police cell in the county my own abuse happened, about how he was talking to girls under 13 on internet chatrooms and downloading and distributing indecent images and videos of a girl who had the appearance of a 6-8 year old. That happened recently, in a place very near my home town. That was not something in the 80’s and 90#s (when my abuse happened). This is 2017!!! A child NOW.
I know, and we all know child abuse happens…of course we do, but it is very different reading in in a newspaper than seeing a documentary of an actual paedophile with a name, a face and a personality, getting an increasingly chilling picture build up of what he did to those girls so recently 😦 That makes it REAL for me. Even more real than the traumatic memories in my own head.
So my priority list has just been dramatically reshuffled.
I have so many plans regarding the changes I want to make in the world. I have to take each possibility in turn and prioritise them.
I think my heart is more in the child abuse protection and awareness issue than the adult life coaching, at least right this second. What is more important than the welfare of a child? Very little, I’d answer to that.
I have SO MANY plans and dreams.
How on earth can I execute all of them? says the voice of reason/self-doubt
That is the challenge-having a heart that is bigger than your immediate mental, emotional and logistical ability to complete everything that drops into your vision as being an important and worthy goal that you wish to pursue.
I am made away with ambition. I have LOADS of drive. I believe I have the skills to back it up. So why can’t I do these things I want to? To improve specific lives of actual children today?
To exact my own revenge, by making it easier for those victimised, and harder for those who choose to abuse to carry on abusing.
What I need though is time, thinking space and an epic intuitive understanding of what to do first. I want to do it all-but can I? Can I really do all of this?
That remains to be seen.
All I know is my heart will carry me forward and I will always act in the interests of as many people that my heart can touch in one go.
My heart is here to care, to prompt action, to strive, to drive myself and others forwards, to envision, to sense, to love, but also to prioritise.
That is what my heart has to do, and it will, because I’m the owner of the heart and I trust it implicitly.
I trust myself to do the right thing.