Mother’s day is not usually a fun day when you have complex-PTSD caused by extended and varied trauma-usually of the incest variety…but this is the happiest and most centred I’ve personally felt since I lost my mum and few years ago. I realise today how far I’ve got with processing my loss.
Letting people go is a concept that sounds so simple when written out…it’s much harder to do than to write about doing though.
I’ve suffered at the loss of her…the loss of what used to be…but what I actually have at this moment more than compensates.
I have two beautiful girls…one of whom wrote me a gorgeous heartfelt poem. I won’t share it here as that is mine…for me and my very closest buddies…but it made me feel amazing and so loved.
I was suicidal and very poorly on mother’s day last year. Today I see my progression. It hits me just how well I’m doing in spite of being mum-less…I’m actually ok about it. I feel at peace. I gave moved on even since I wrote the post (To mum).
That made it onto the most loved post list. People connected with it. I don’t feel that way now though.
Everything is in flux and we are all heading somewhere. My life moves at a fast paced but the essential thing is its usually in a forward direction.
I may have detours and ocasionally travel down coping cul de sacs that get me know where…but then I find my true track again and move forward.
I know exactly where I’m heading, and I’m going to appreciate every moment along the way- just like today where I appreciate how well I’m doing these days at being mum-less.
Myself and my family were born to shine…we’re possibility chasers. We dream. I think. My mind is creative and expansive but also grounded and we’ll rooted in reality. I see possibility everywhere. And I’m not going to let something like being mum-less stand in my way 💪💪💪