It’s been a while since I shared a rhyme
Life has been full so I haven’t had time

I knew today was going to be tricky for me

I awoke with a cry at twenty past three

The dream was vivid-I cried out loud

Searching for her door but held back from the crowd

Subconscious LACKING-so in my dreams I am snacking

using high energy brain food-no time to be slacking

Searched for the door but couldn’t see through my tears

The tears had built up over fifteen long years

Panicked and desperate, I couldn’t stop crying

Need to express my feelings about all of their lying

Fucking care, PLEASE care for me

When I got back you’d gone. There’s no-one to blame but me

This dream wasn’t real-NOT describing fact

It’s all symbolic-dreams yield their REM sleep axe

The axe does damage-a dagger-a swollen heart

Couldn’t survive it again if I had to go back to the start

Infant to toddler-toddler to child

Childhood outgrown-a teenager birthed wild

I’m an adult. I’ve grieved that loss.

But my dreams are not always sparkle-streaked pink candyfloss

I sparkle, & I do that in spite of my REM sleep storms

I’m chiselled to perfection, attractive in external form

My insides believe me are special too

I’m forever”the special girl” trying my 100% best for you

Except it’s not for them that I do all this

I invest in my craft-it’s just how my life is

They don’t drive me-it’s my hands on the steering wheel

Look how she’s changed-coming up shortly, “THE BIG REVEAL”

One day I’ll have my name up in lights

But not illuminated in the neon glow of Brooklyn’s delights

Summerwillshine -quick, tweet it!-get it hashtagged!

The girl did good in spite of that twatttish papa ratbag

Excuse me vermin-scurry aside

One less funeral attendee in the days shortly after you’ve both died

You’re in my dreams-now that’s the only place left

Gave my evidence in the cell-bravely reported your theft

HEART STOLEN-plus other criminal damage was done

Couldn’t shower the pain away in the puddles of your sticky cum

It was only a dream-you’re now not real to me

From private to public I blog it out there-it’s for the therapy of me

I’m missing my psych-missing the potential to chat

Need to learn I don’t need a NHS therapist for all of that

Internalise the messages summer-then you won’t need her

Fleece yourself up tonight in a blanket of kitten soft warm fur

It’ll be ok, I know that-tomorrow is brand new

I’ll pencil in a good day-yep-good idea! that’s what I’ll do

All is not lost & there’s far more to gain

Keep on track in your survivors only lane

I’ve proven I can deal with considerable life shit

Far more shocking stuff than your usual middle-class chick lit

She shrugs-she sighs-pulls her blanket round tighter

Tomorrow she’ll stand up in the ring and prove she’s a fighter

But tonight is a night to nurture myself







mothering sunday mental health

summerSHINES ©






  1. summerSHINES says:

    I always wrote poems like a rap 😂 I get in a distinct zone! I also would love to do performing…have you seen rape joke? The two american women on YouTube …i love how they pack a lot of meaning and impact into a short performance.


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