This is a short video sent to me from my bestie-my angel of the south…
We love this video…apart from the reference to ‘committing’ suicide (not keen on that phrase)…I very much doubt I will ever achieve the commercial success of JK Rowling…I am not aspiring for that level…but I know I will make a positive contribution to the world in my own way.
I have not survived suicidality for nothing…I have purpose. I have good intentions. I have hope, and I will fight to build up more and more emotional resilience so I can take on more and more challenging projects and prospects.
My battle is a mental one….all about seeking and living in a world of post-traumatic shine.
Recovery is my best revenge. I will seek revenge on those who wanted to silence and destroy me a.k.a my family.
I will write. The keyboard is my weapon. I will get my writing read in more and more places and reach more and more people. I will get myself in the most mentally healthy place so I can succeed at my maximum. I will always respect my mental health challenges, but I won’t let myself be forever defined by them.
I am more than a person who is ill.
I am not ill.
I am going places.
The change in me since last year is huge…
I don’t want to be JK. I want to be me. I don’t want to imitate or be imitated.
My dreams are grounded in reality, and I have the determination to achieve them.
Today I met with someone who has the same life philosophy as I do. I have no doubts that she will achieve her goals to help people and make a positive contribution to mental health as I hope to do.
We will grow together.
Growth is my religion.
Stagnant is something ponds are….not what I want to be as a human.
I also love this ‘lust for life’ trailer by Lana Del Rey…
some people don’t get Lana or like her, but I do….love what she creates, and how she just ‘does her thing’. She’s an original.
I sometimes want to step away from social media and work as a loner on my artistic projects…but social media is where many of my friends are, so at this moment in time I choose connection over loneliness. I need my people.
Maybe over time I will feel more comfortable backing away from social media…but right now everything is how I want it-apart from the fleeting moments where I start to wonder if I might be better off dead. They move over quickly like passing black clouds. I had those thoughts yesterday, which is why I knew I had to create some space around myself.
I am constantly evolving, so are my needs and preferences. I am never static.
But for all my fluctuations, and the comings and goings of my transient wish for my own death, I have a lust for life that didn’t used to be there.
That is something to be celebrated.