I can’t stop writing this holiday so far. It’s bonkers! I think this is post number three so far today hides face. Hopefully my readers are not too sick of me.
I’m FULL up of stuffness that needs it’s wordy release. Going on holiday is intense (says the blogger who finds EVERYTHING intense).
I think I’m going slightly hypo judging by how quickly my fingers are tapping on this screen. My hypomania indicator is the relative quickness and pressure of my fingers as I strike each letter. When I’m hypo I type fast and press hard. When I’m mellow or low in mood I type leisurely and slowly and gently.
My brain is a variable beast, and the medication I take does not stabilise me to any great degree. It just numbs me and reduces my capacity somewhat to express the emotional extremes that are wired deep within. It takes me down or up several notches from the widest mood edges, but I still have a LOT of notches in my range and can easily cascade up or down from a particular level double quick and double easy.
If only there was a competition for how quickly your mood could change, I’d be declared the clear winner and I’d claim my winners medal and book token and everyone would clap and I’d feel I’d finally achieved something 🙌🙌
If you are naturally good at certain skills there are usually jobs where you can be paid to execute that particular skill. If you are good at multitasking, for example, you can get a job at McDonalds drive thru and take orders while talking to customers at the window while taking payment, and you get a pay packet for the privilege of doing what suits you. If you are good at tasks involving concentrated attention, you can be an air traffic controller and earn a HUGE paypacket. But there are no job/person specs I’ve ever seen advertised that specify “rapid, frequent and extreme mood swings from depression to hypomania” as ‘advantageous’ 😛😜
Why not though? I’d ace a job involving that life skill 😊
I’d also ace jobs involving hypervigilant jumpiness, a tendency towards anxiety and panic attacks, no fixed identity, frequent urges to self harm, and a pensive and morbid preoccupation with suicidall ideation.
Why are there no rewards for being like me? Why are mood swings not encouraged and desired in the eyes of others? Why are chameleon personalities not favoured over stable predictable ones?
Why don’t jobs allow (as standard) mental health duvet days and hypomanic periods of creative over productivity to be taken flexibly in the scheduled working week.
Will anyone who follows my blog vouch for me and give me a glowing reference to aid my job applications when I get home? Cause I could do with being generously renumerated for being my natural self! When it comes to mood instability, I got this one nailed. 😛😜