Don’t even try to do what you’re planning to do. Blocking my complaint with your ‘one word against another’ self-protective crap!? eyebrow raise I don’t think so Doc. I honestly and sincerely thought you were better than that. I really did.

My faith is draining away more and more.

My faith in people. My faith in human nature. My faith in the world being fair and pleasant and nice to stick around in……

The world isn’t fair and not everybody tells the truth.

It doesn’t matter who you are or how you present yourself, the true colours of people will always come out and cannot be suppressed for long. That is why I prefer to show my true colours at all times. That was there’s no messing about. I am honest about my shortcomings. I have insight about them. I have intelligence and smartness.

You can say what you want about me, but I don’t speak anything other than the unfiltered truth, and that part of my character can’t be denied. 

My friend earlier described me as completely allergic to bullshit. That’s true. I don’t do bullshit. I don’t mis-read things half as much as you like to assume, so don’t even try and oppose me with your ‘I’m a doctor I know best’ bullshit. 

I’m savvy and smart. Sometimes lately I have misjudged people initially, and their true colours have suddenly been unleashed in a riot of fucked up true colourness….but you underestimate me if you believe you can silence me in this particular situation.

It doesn’t matter your position or status or how much money you earn. You did wrong, so don’t even try and reclaim an upper hand; one which is wrongfully yours and not yours to keep. 

Don’t do as they did please and hypocritically conform to a lifetime pattern of significant people in my life covering up their shitty actions with bullshit “you didn’t see anything/ nothing to see here” non-Harry Potter deceitful magic.

You’re not a magician who can make truth disappear and vanish because it puts you professionally in an awkward position. You’re a consultant psychiatrist, not an alchemist, escapologist, or wise sage/seer. You’ve been in the job a long time and profess to have seen it all, but I’m not keen on the sweeping generalisations you make and assumptive statements of fiction about my character, wrongfully presented as clinically objective fact.

Usually you undermine me with a certain sense of style and flourish, I’ll grant you that, but yesterday you resorted to the lowest common denominator. The psychiatric equivalent of toilet humour. You lowered yourself lower than you’ve ever gone.

Did someone place a court jester where my old psychiatrist used to be? I guess they must have done. 

You’ve tried hard all these years to conceal your obvious frustration and distain for me, but yesterday the dam burst, didn’t it. You couldn’t stop yourself, could you.

Dig dig dig like the dwarfs…..hi ho hi ho it’s off to my work as a condescending mental health consultant I merrily go.

Don’t be the significant person who is supposed to care, in the absence of me having parents and a stable childhood, who has now let me down. 

Don’t do that.

Don’t be that ‘human let down’ personified.

Don’t be yet another doctor of disrepute.

Don’t pick at my already weeping wounds.

Don’t peel off my thin skin, layer by layer,  just so you can get to the rawest deepest most painful wounds and reopen them with your clinical psychiatric jargon implements.

Don’t strip me down and wonder why conversationally I am scrambling to get my clothes back on; to get myself protected again and feeling safe and ok in my own super thin super-sensitised skin. 

I’m see through. I’m no filter. You know that. 

I’m pure of being, pure of emotion, pure of spirit, pure of intention and purpose. I have no reason to attack you on our last ever appointment. I wanted to end on a positive note. I had no malice towards you at all. I just wanted you to help and support me and help me make some sense of things, not hinder or hurt me or reverse my equilibrium into dangerous emotional territory.

I didn’t bring this on. You did. 

Your actions. Your consequences.

At my expense. 

DON’T make it worse by denying it. 

It makes you almost as bad as they were. Severity different, yep, principle the same.

Just don’t even try… ok?

Because I’m untouchable.