I’ve numbed myself with a couple of benzos and a few prescription painkillers after the school run. I’m in bed. I don’t want to speak to anyone. I feel happily drowsy. I’m quite happy to be partially out of it. Because ‘it’ isn’t a good place to be.
Everybody hurts sometimes. I just hurt more. Hurting is not an equal thing shared between everyone. Some people bear the hurt that the others escape. More than our fair share.
Quite ok to be numb and under the duvet today.
Can’t write. I’m sleepy. Will set an alarm for later. A friend is coming with cake. Just another day in crisis.
No mental capacity to describe anything more.
I’m escaping and numbing by the minute. My light is extinguished. I’m OK in the dark as long as I’m drowsy and not fully here.
I want to be anywhere but here.