What to write today? Well, this is my blog offering of the day….it’s a post about where I live, because I don’t write about my natural habitat that much. Quite why I don’t I’m not fully sure of, though thinking about it, it is probably something to do with the fact that I’m a cerebral and heart person who very much lives in my head, rather than on terra firma.
Of all the characteristics of my very weird and quirky personality, one word I cannot apply is the adjective, “GROUNDED”
I am absolutely NOT grounded. But I am working on it, I promise.
I am a head person. I’m a gemini- an air sign. I’m an intellectual type, a philosophiser, a passionate ranter, a deep thinker, a planner, a busy bee with a busy mind that never stops. I am not especially practical or good with my hands. I am much better when I exercise my brain rather than my body (although I like to run and can just about manage to do that in straight lines without falling over). I feel like I very much spend my life suspended a few feet off the ground in a parallel universe that is most unlike most humans, which is why I call them “humans” or sometimes “humanoids”, as though I am a scientist studying them from a distance.
I guess technically you can call me human, but not an average, typical, or usual one. Yeah yeah before you shout at me I KNOW there is no such thing as a typical, average or usual “normal” human, we are all unique YADA YADA. But some of us are WAAY more unique than others, and that my friend is F.A.C.T.
I don’t get you and you don’t get me, and that’s ok. I’m still part of the human race, just not in a grounded typical way. I’m here, but not fully here. I live in a trauma-generated dissociated bubble much of the time, mentally avoiding the bad stuff by staying in my head. I can’t help that- it’s who I am.
I am not rooted to anything. I change like a chameleon in mood, personality and identity almost all the time so it’s hard to decipher the real summer I guess, and it is fair to say there are many summers.
But despite this, I don’t feel lost at sea, despite hovering somewhere in my unique mental space, I feel at very at home at sea. I have made the sea my literal and figurative home.
I moved to the coastal place I live now approx. five years ago, and fuck me I’m so glad I did. It is PARADISE here. Absolute paradise.
There is nothing about the area I don’t like, [except I wish there was a TkMaxx in my local town, but that is hardly a deal breaker]. :P
I may not be grounded, but I am fully at home, at sea; by the sea, beside the seaside, bedside the sea etc etc. Pom diddly om. Whatevs.
I am espesh excited today about where I live, as I will be showing one of my most spesh friends where I live for the very first time. Although she is one of my closest and most valued friends I have only known her less than two years. It was totally love at first sight (online, in a non-lesbo way) ;) and I hope she will love where I call home as much as I do.
Maybe grounding is not possible for me. Maybe I will continue to live with my head in the clouds always, but you know what?…that’s OK! It is really OK, because these are Northumbrian clouds, and Northumbrian clouds are the best.
Everything here is BEAUTIFUL, NATURAL, RUGGED, UNSPOILT, STUNNING, WILD, just plain GORGEOUS.
The sea water is clear as the finest iridescent crystal, and the hue of the water changes not only daily, but constantly from the greyest of slate to royal blue to the palest of turquoise to the ‘sky meets sea undiscernible horizon’ type sky blue. The sparkles glisten on the surface of the water as the sun’s rays illuminate the vast watery salty expanse. Visually, the sea resembles a watery meadow saturated by a vast sprinkling of scattered diamonds, and it puts on it’s spectacle for me and the other lucky buggers who live or visit here every day of my existence. What price can you put on that natural wonder?
It is all free of charge, if only you can work out the small details like finding work and a home, which is what we did after a glorious holiday here where we discovered it’s beauty for the first time. :)
We made this beautiful dream become reality, and we appreciate what we did everyday since we moved here.
Even on my suicidal days, I contemplate how hard it would be to wrench myself away from Northumberland. It is the place my soul feels safe. It is the place where I have friends and my children have their friends and go to school and will grow up and evolve into beautiful adult humanoids, and where much significant life shit has already happened.
Every morning, whatever the weather, I am on that beach with my dog running in the widest of sweeping circles scampering across the sand and the rocks and splashing in the water with excitement. The dog does that too ;)
I love my home in all weathers, in all seasons, at all times of day, every day, every hour. I did not know it was possible to LOVE a place so much, but I DO.
This is true love. I am attached to this place. My soul home.
I will be so proud to take my beautiful precious (and fellow bonkers creature) and show her the sights. I will be breathing the same air as her instead of the smog of London which she is used to. She can look through her eyes and I can proudly show her where I made home.
My home is here. My love for my home environment is everlasting and well worth staying alive for. I will get to share it today and tomorrow with her while she visits. What could be nicer than that :)
I’ll blog about our visit tomorrow. Can’t bloody wait WOOP WOOP! :)