This is a post about the correlation of mood and bra wearage [based on extensive contemplation lasting literally MINUTES).
My bra is my barometer. It is my mood BRA-ometer, if you like.
I can tell a lot about my mental state by my underwear choice. I will keep the pants out of this post as the only pants I wear are my happy pants OBVS.
This is all about the bras- the containers of the chest bangers- the keepers of the milk makers- the vessels of the voluptuous. ETC.
When I wake in the morning, pretty much the first decision I make is “shall I wear a bra today”. That is not a random decision based on the casual heads or tails of a flipped coin. Oh no. This is the last box of the decision tree made when I ask myself the question “what do I feel today”.
Because I have a mood disorder of epic emotional fuckupness, the mood I wake in is quite an important indicator of how the day is likely to pan out.
Some mornings are “I’m totes gonna wear a bra” mornings (BRIGHT AND SHINY), and some mornings are “like hell am I gonna wear a bra” type ones (DARK AND SHIT).
On a bright and shiny mood morning, that bra goes on and gets fastened with the nimble fingered confident determination of a star gymnast on her Olympian debut.
On a dark and shit morning, the bra section of the top drawer gets bypassed altogether. ‘Today is a vest morning’, I will declare in my head and then sigh, or maybe even cry. My husband will hear me utter the phrase “I can’t be arsed to wear a bra today” and will be immediately filled with a tense anticipation of a tough day ahead with a depressed, anxious and probably clingy and demanding wife.
He knows what the significance of the bra wearage or non wearage is. But it is something we never speak of. A married couple’s holy grail of conversational avoidance!
The decision to select or discard the bra first thing has almighty consequences! It sets the tone for the whole day!
For me, not wearing a bra is rebellion. It is like how a normally clean shaven guy will begin to avoid shaving as an external barometer of his depression. Depressed men stop shaving and depressed women stop wearing bras, I’m sure of it. It can’t just be me?
Fortunately I have just the right size bazookas that mean the non-wearing of a bra is something I can just about get away with on bad days. It would be far harder to do the no bra thing if I was an E, F or GG cup, so fortunately I can get away with it and no one need know how I am hiding my biggest indicator of a depressed mood under that baggy top you see me wearing.
Sometimes though I have tried to challenge this mood bra correlation rule of thumb, and I have purposefully worn my bra on my dark and shit days, to try and trick my brain into thinking it is a bright and shiny day. It doesn’t work! I have two degrees. I am an intelligent self-aware person. I know that I am still feeling dark and shit despite wearing that bra shaped happy mood contraption, and I just feel dark and shit, with added straplines.
I HATE bras, and I especially hate bras when I am anxious, because I don’t like my breath being constricted. It brings back triggers of bondage situations gone very wrong when I was a child being ritually abused by several savage men. On my PTSD days I can’t tolerate the feeling of a bra cutting in. Whenever I have gone to a department store to be
embarrassed measured, I have always gone one ribcage size up from whatever they tell me. I can’t tolerate anything tight around there. It is a constant trigger which upsets me and makes me feel unsafe, so thinking about it, perhaps the non-bra wearage is not all about depression, but is actually a lot to do with my past too.
I LOVE not wearing bras. I LOVE the fact I am an adult now and I can decide whether I want to do things or not. I am glad I have consent. I’m glad I have choice, even if it is something as small as deciding in the morning whether I wear a hoist for my bad boys or not. It is bloody LIBERATING, I find, to not wear bras, just as I am sure it is liberating for guys to not have the discomfort of shaving their face everyday.
I wonder whether other mental health suffering lovelies out there are similar with the bra decisions? Have you ever stopped to think what is different about you on your good days and your bad days? How can others tell how you’re feeling by the daily choices you make that are similar to this one?
One final point to note, which is actually quite hilarious, is it is not always just a once a day in the morning decision whether to wear a bra or not. Because my mood is so blimin unstable my bra gets hooked or unhooked virtually every time I have a mood swing!!! It would be so funny if a hidden camera was installed by my underwear drawer as it would be very possible to count (if a camera was rigged above my bra drawer) how many mood swings I have per day, based on the amount of times my hand reaches in to either grab one or hide one! It is bonkers…… I feel good, the bra is on. I feel shit, the bra goes off.
On a bad day I am bra-less and probably still in my PJs as long as I can get away with. On a good day my bra will go on and stay on from 7.30 till 10.30. What I know is the BRA-ometer never lies.