Trauma ‘has me’ in its grip today. Ironic as yesterday when I published my ‘Post-Traumatic Sparkle/PTSS’ post I said I’d need to keep it in plain sight for my low days. Today is a bit low, not catastrophically low. I’m just out of balance and below par.
Soon I travel down to Westminster for a parliamentary reception with other representatives from Mind. For the benefit of my international followers, Mind are a national mental health charity who are based in London, and I’ll be there with them wearing my media volunteer hat. It’ll be a chance to converse with people that matter about things that matter.
Feeling excited and scared is my emotional cocktail of the day. Feeling two very different emotional things at once, one good and one bad is something I am incredibly talented at 😁😂
My philosophy for living is that most things that are worthwhile in life are both exciting AND terrifying, and a problem only emerges when you do things that are ONLY terrifying, without also being exciting in any compensatory way. Obviously things that are exciting but NOT terrifying are also fairly good, but not as good as exciting terrifying things which are only terrifying because of their importance and personal significance.
Going to London is personally significant for me (because it’s a big thing to do.)
Meeting people from Mind who I’ve only previously spoken to over the phone or by email is exciting (because I love Mind Charity and all it’s aims, and everyone I’ve ever spoken to at national Mind has always been truly and universally lovely. They are an awesome bunch of humans.)
Speaking to politicians is significant because: a. I’ve never ever done it, and b. the fact I’ll be chatting about the mental health of the nation with them is humongously HUGE.
Speaking to the press and being photographed by them is significant because I have only ever spoken to one journalist at a time, and I’m still very early on in my media volunteering experiences (a few months in) PLUS I will feel more celebrity (ish) than I have ever done previously in my 36 years on the planet. (Except for the time I was filmed for the telly which admittedly was quite celeb-ish 🙈🙈).
The subject for discussion on the day matters lots (though I can’t speak about what it is about just yet as it’s totes confidential 🙈🙉🙊).
I don’t do media volunteering for Mind to feel like a celeb though. I take it seriously and I do it for the right reasons. Talking publically about mental health and how my life is affected by my illnesses is an important thing to do. It’s also quite bold and quite scary. Stigma does still exist, despite things being far better than they used to. ‘Coming out’ publically in the media and being a face that is recognisable is slightly risky. Even though I want to be a media volunteer for the right reasons, not everyone who reads or watches will perceive mental illness and the people who live with mental health conditions in the compassionate and empathic way I do.
Anyway back to the point of the post. I’m a tiny bit scared of tomorrow because my PTSD and BPD will be challenged to the max.
But I’m also excited and the excitement is what I shall focus on.
My blog has gone out today-in association with the event, and that has been exciting too 🙌🙌
To read the blog on the topic of Loneliness go onto http://www.mind.org.uk. and it’s the top story. Alternatively find it on Mind’s Facebook or Twitter.
I’m off for an early night and some much needed relaxation so I’m refreshed and ready to hit Westminster when the time comes 💛💛💛