Writing is a way of talking, uninterrupted.
The irony is, I typed out those words, then immediately got interrupted LOL! [It was my kids arriving back from swimming with their Grandma]
But six HOURS later I’m back, and I’m ‘on it’-finally writing this uninterrupted (?) post of un-Buddhist/realistic mindfulness.
The truth is, I feel pretty awful today and have felt awful since I woke up. I also felt awful yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. So I guess you could say the generic theme lately tying all my life experiences together is your standard generic ‘AWFULNESS’.
Life is awful-then you die.
Is that the famous quote?! Or am I just taking out my bad mood on the keys this evening?
Switch summer. Switch. Embrace the positives. Be mindful, because that is what the NHS jolly well wants because mindfulness is CHEAP!
Well, how is this for mindful shine? This is the view NOW from my bedroom window of a glorious and atmospheric sunset over the recently harvested fields of my darling England.
England-I ruddy love you. Sorry, I don’t tell you I love you enough, I should tell you more, but I really do. I love all of you (except the PTSD nightmare that is central London-nope, not keen on that, but apart from London, you are gorgeously GLORIOUS).
Guess what I ordered today?
audience says “I don’t know summerSHINES, what did you order today?”
Well audience, I ordered a new house number sign to be attached to the brickwork on the front of my house- who says this blogger doesn’t live the bloody dream! I was VERY excited about my new door sign. You could type on the number and road name on this amazing website and change the font and colours of the text and the back plate and reposition and rescale the lettering and gasp IT WAS SO JOYOUS, IT’S WAY TOO SPECIAL TO DESCRIBE IN MERE WORDS.
News just in- I also need a new front door, to match the new door sign, because the beading (that holds the glazing panels in) is only being held down by super glue, and when the wind blows I feel the breeze in the lounge
So door chat and house signage has dominated the day, and been one of the few things that has given me any buzz today. GOTTA HAVE A BUZZ, obvs. That is living in the modern day society. Textbook. Bish bash bosh.
Guess what!- it’s started to rain just now, fine droplets that are creating lacy patterns on my open window that are not unlike the lace patterns of the only lacy bra I own (Primark). Tonight is a primark lace bra pattern sunset viewed through glass EXTRAVAGANZA!
My monkey mind is now bouncing onto other fascinating stuff that I must share that is EVEN more exciting than telling you the sun is setting, it is raining, my front door is held together with superglue, I purchase my bras from Primark and today I ordered a new house number sign. It is even MORE exciting than that……
…………………….Oh shit, I’ve realised there is nothing notable about today, nothing amazing, nothing worthy of doing a cyber ‘show and tell’ over. It’s been mundane and awful, then mundane for a bit, followed by awful, and that’s the only way I can realistically and mindfully describe it.
These are the days I struggle with
‘Nothing days’, wallpaper struggle-fest days, not crisis days or gold star days. ‘Calm/unadulterated misery’ is how I’d describe my mood at present.
On a mental health blog, days like today are fairly hard to document, because I cannot honestly say there has been anything worthy of writing about. I have not been inspired. But my god I’ve been tired……And I’m so bored even writing this post that I’m seamlessly drifting into rhyming words. Oh fuck. I am mixing the ingredients and nothing coherent is being created.
My brain is jelly, (not jam Americans, actually jelly that wobbles, probably in the shape of a curled up fish-don’t ask).
I need more omega 3 in my life to boost the old brain box.
What am I writing about-jelly and fish? – What the actual FUCK summer?!
I guess what I’m trying to say, being realistically mindful, is today is turning out to be just a day; a mere day where I wake, go through the motions, buy shiny things online, chat to people, walk my dogs on the beach and lose my right flip-flop (yes that actually happened). It is just a day, notable only for the fact that there is nothing at all notable about it.
I woke up. I lost a flip-flop. I bought shit. I wrote a crappy blog post (this one). I looked after children (mine, not random ones). I ate, drank, watched telly and enjoyed the naturally glorious view of the sunset mindfully for a little while.
It isn’t much to report, but sometimes life isn’t, is is.
Sometimes life is low on excitement and high on struggle. Sometimes the mundane consumes you and the novel or the buzzy just buzzes off. Sometimes you just live, waiting and holding out for the better bits to arrive.
This is what I think they call the in-between.