This is a random stream-of-consciousness succession of blunt questions I'd like to know about my mum and the rest of my estranged family if they could hear me right now. (In no particular order). I know I'll never probably get the answers, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't ask the questions. TW* blunt questions relating … Continue reading NO FURTHER QUESTIONS
Between the ache and the brilliance; that's where I achieve A window open; exploit pain's brief reprieve I work my hardest when I can't work this inner shit out; open the valve & breathe chaos out Letting it go? or am I being 'UNfrozen' and pushing it down; Throw off the gloves and dazzle them … Continue reading POEM: BETWEEN THE ACHE AND THE BRILLIANCE
This is a deviation from my usual writing on 'Summer Starts to Shine' as I'm zooming out of the day to day details of a life in recovery from trauma and instead I'm looking at the wider picture of society. In my blog, I write almost exclusively from a first hand perspective about my own … Continue reading SUPPORT THE SMALL CHARITY
This is a post, written stream-of-consciousness, about a dark topic. My intention is not to provoke or upset anyone…..merely to give an honest and unfiltered insight into the mind of someone like me. By someone like me, I mean, someone who battles chronically (in the longer-term) against familiar impulses to end my life. Suicide must … Continue reading ALL STUPID LIES *tw
I asked the kids for ten minutes peace. I also grabbed half a Valium from the cupboard to cement the relaxation potential I was searching for. I have felt anxiety and rising panic this morning while indulging in the mundane chore of cleaning the bathrooms. Everything got cleaned to within an inch of it's life … Continue reading WHEN YOUR ABUSER WRITES…
I'm struck by a feeling that lately has been rare. Inspiration. I am usually a fairly inspirey person, but for medication-and seasonal related reasons, that well ran dry. I even recently considered stopping blogging ( A>G>A>I>N ). But tonight I felt warmed by the fire of inspiration. It came to me via the clouds and … Continue reading THE SKY SPOKE
I write this fresh after my psychiatric reassessment experience. Only minutes away I was sat with him [and her who was sitting in to interject, if I went (for want of a better term), "bonkers"]. That was the conclusion of the two-parter- the psychiatric evaluation with some fresh meat....Fresh mental health doctor meat, with fresh … Continue reading I BELIEVED HIM
I'm bored of myself. Bored of my [empty] self. Bored of what I write. I am really sorry my blog posts lately have been so uninspiring in tone. I feel actively and most passionately mundane, supressed, deflated, dull, pedestrian and un-shining. The last time I was inspired was yesterday, which seems both not long ago … Continue reading MY [EMPTY] SELF
You'll find me in my wishing well, once upon a dream Voicing anthems of survivors till my tears dry clean Never will I stop defending those like me No matter how tough it is to urge the blind to wake up and see Maybe they'll NEVER see?- maybe their blindness is a permanent forever But … Continue reading BRAND NEW DAY POEM
Has anyone seen real life? I think I must have mislaid it down the back of the sofa or something, because I can't for the life of me locate real life. Real life has become unreal chaos. I am busy. Not at all centred. Floaty. Overwhelmed. Confused. I haven't been normal since Wednesday, or maybe, if … Continue reading REAL LIFE?
Everyone has heard of PTSD. But not everyone had heard of PTSS (most probably because I literally just made it up!). On my email signature I describe myself as a 'mental health blogger of post-traumatic sparkle' @summerstartstoshine etc, and ''PTSS' is the new phenomenon that I totally just made up, which is essentially a fancier and sparklier way … Continue reading Post-Traumatic SPARKLE
I have put off writing this blog post. It isn't really like me to procrastinate over anything actually so it is always strange when this type of situation arises. If I avoid writing about something it can be for a variety of reasons....sometimes it's because the topic is plain painful, sometimes it's that I'm too ashamed … Continue reading IS A CAREER POSSIBLE IF I BLOG?
This is a post about the correlation of mood and bra wearage [based on extensive contemplation lasting literally MINUTES). My bra is my barometer. It is my mood BRA-ometer, if you like ;) I can tell a lot about my mental state by my underwear choice. I will keep the pants out of this post … Continue reading BRA/MOOD CORRELATIONS
What to do when you are the darkness? Do you rid the world of your darkness..... By removing yourself? Separation of the bond between person and the glue of society. Stickiness un-peeled. Strings in the orchestra reveal the emotion of the composer. Do you hear the sad song I play and wrote? That's my music. … Continue reading WHEN YOU ARE THE DARKNESS
One of the biggest insults that can be colloquially hurled at someone in conversation; sometimes as a unfunny joke, and sometimes with rancid bitterness is, "you're psychologically disturbed!"- usually meaning broadly that you are 'crazy', 'off your rocker', 'unbalanced', 'abnormal', 'socially bonkers', 'deviant' 'manipulative', or other such derogatory & stigma-loaded assumptions. "YOU ARE PSYCHOLOGICALLY DISTURBED". I have … Continue reading COMFORT WHEN DISTURBED