ALL STUPID LIES *tw

This is a post, written stream-of-consciousness, about a dark topic. My intention is not to provoke or upset anyone…..merely to give an honest and unfiltered insight into the mind of someone like me. By someone like me, I mean, someone who battles chronically (in the longer-term) against familiar impulses to end my life. Suicide must … Continue reading ALL STUPID LIES *tw

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REAL LIFE?

Has anyone seen real life? I think I must have mislaid it down the back of the sofa or something, because I can't for the life of me locate real life. Real life has become unreal chaos. I am busy. Not at all centred. Floaty. Overwhelmed. Confused. I haven't been normal since Wednesday, or maybe, if … Continue reading REAL LIFE?

COMFORT WHEN DISTURBED

One of the biggest insults that can be colloquially hurled at someone in conversation; sometimes as a unfunny joke, and sometimes with rancid bitterness is, "you're psychologically disturbed!"- usually meaning broadly that you are 'crazy', 'off your rocker', 'unbalanced', 'abnormal', 'socially bonkers', 'deviant' 'manipulative', or other such derogatory & stigma-loaded assumptions. "YOU ARE PSYCHOLOGICALLY DISTURBED". I have … Continue reading COMFORT WHEN DISTURBED

POST-TRAVEL HUM

I hear the hum of the aircraft, still ringing in my ears, The roar of the car barely hides the rumble of my fears. Back home now to safety. Duvet pulled up, I'm smothered, My silent melancholy, proved not so thoroughly covered.   Couldn't hide my sad today; my worried or my mad, Travelling an … Continue reading POST-TRAVEL HUM

MELANCHOLIC

Melancholic morning, stay inside your bed, The world hurts- sink your head in a pillow instead. Lavender scented Francais-themed sad, Wrote a post last night that confirmed my bad. Bad girl missing ma famille,  Longing for them, plain as can be. Heavy plenty floaty plenty,  Torn out heart bleeds out till it is dry and … Continue reading MELANCHOLIC

WARM GLOW GUSHING

Hello! I finally get to do my write-up of yesterday. WOWZER. I'm absolutely thrilled at my virgin experience of being interviewed for the telly. It went like an absolute dream and I'm still feeling super shiny and luminescent this morning....basking in 'dreams coming true-ness'. I'm trying to blog authentically here without caring how I sound, despite the fact there's … Continue reading WARM GLOW GUSHING

MAN OVERBOARD

I was planning a duvet day today after waking up decidedly feeling lack lustre, to a backdrop of un-seasonally wintry weather outside my bedroom window. But I got the miserable wet and arctic windy dog walk out of the way early, and now I'm cosy and warm, in my favourite spot in the house, clickety clacking … Continue reading MAN OVERBOARD

ALL ME

At last.....freedom to type...freedom to let the words topple out of my head and onto this blank page. This blog represents a type of escape for me....this is the place where I make sense of my inner environment and all it's turmoil. Peace. Breathe. Calm. I am having serious thoughts about my future currently. I am … Continue reading ALL ME