This is a post, written stream-of-consciousness, about a dark topic. My intention is not to provoke or upset anyone…..merely to give an honest and unfiltered insight into the mind of someone like me. By someone like me, I mean, someone who battles chronically (in the longer-term) against familiar impulses to end my life. Suicide must … Continue reading ALL STUPID LIES *tw
I'm bored of myself. Bored of my [empty] self. Bored of what I write. I am really sorry my blog posts lately have been so uninspiring in tone. I feel actively and most passionately mundane, supressed, deflated, dull, pedestrian and un-shining. The last time I was inspired was yesterday, which seems both not long ago … Continue reading MY [EMPTY] SELF
Has anyone seen real life? I think I must have mislaid it down the back of the sofa or something, because I can't for the life of me locate real life. Real life has become unreal chaos. I am busy. Not at all centred. Floaty. Overwhelmed. Confused. I haven't been normal since Wednesday, or maybe, if … Continue reading REAL LIFE?
I have put off writing this blog post. It isn't really like me to procrastinate over anything actually so it is always strange when this type of situation arises. If I avoid writing about something it can be for a variety of reasons....sometimes it's because the topic is plain painful, sometimes it's that I'm too ashamed … Continue reading IS A CAREER POSSIBLE IF I BLOG?
One of the biggest insults that can be colloquially hurled at someone in conversation; sometimes as a unfunny joke, and sometimes with rancid bitterness is, "you're psychologically disturbed!"- usually meaning broadly that you are 'crazy', 'off your rocker', 'unbalanced', 'abnormal', 'socially bonkers', 'deviant' 'manipulative', or other such derogatory & stigma-loaded assumptions. "YOU ARE PSYCHOLOGICALLY DISTURBED". I have … Continue reading COMFORT WHEN DISTURBED
A brief meander through my thoughts....... Heavy fur coats in a wooden wardrobe part left, right and above, and I'm met with the chilly air of Narnia inhaled up my shocked nostrils. I need mind clearing via writing. The run today and the constant socialising of the last 24 hours has overloaded me, in the very wonderful-est … Continue reading MEANDER TO NARNIA
I hear the hum of the aircraft, still ringing in my ears, The roar of the car barely hides the rumble of my fears. Back home now to safety. Duvet pulled up, I'm smothered, My silent melancholy, proved not so thoroughly covered. Couldn't hide my sad today; my worried or my mad, Travelling an … Continue reading POST-TRAVEL HUM
Just scrawled doodles. Bad day. No words. SummerSHINES
Melancholic morning, stay inside your bed, The world hurts- sink your head in a pillow instead. Lavender scented Francais-themed sad, Wrote a post last night that confirmed my bad. Bad girl missing ma famille, Longing for them, plain as can be. Heavy plenty floaty plenty, Torn out heart bleeds out till it is dry and … Continue reading MELANCHOLIC
Hello! I finally get to do my write-up of yesterday. WOWZER. I'm absolutely thrilled at my virgin experience of being interviewed for the telly. It went like an absolute dream and I'm still feeling super shiny and luminescent this morning....basking in 'dreams coming true-ness'. I'm trying to blog authentically here without caring how I sound, despite the fact there's … Continue reading WARM GLOW GUSHING
I was planning a duvet day today after waking up decidedly feeling lack lustre, to a backdrop of un-seasonally wintry weather outside my bedroom window. But I got the miserable wet and arctic windy dog walk out of the way early, and now I'm cosy and warm, in my favourite spot in the house, clickety clacking … Continue reading MAN OVERBOARD
I really am done. Enough human contact has been had. I need a detox. Blog comments are off. Messenger is off. Facebook is logged out of not to be logged back into for as long as I can possibly stand it. The only way to get hold of me now is email, text, Twitter and … Continue reading EXTERNALISER V STUFFER
At last.....freedom to type...freedom to let the words topple out of my head and onto this blank page. This blog represents a type of escape for me....this is the place where I make sense of my inner environment and all it's turmoil. Peace. Breathe. Calm. I am having serious thoughts about my future currently. I am … Continue reading ALL ME
An afternoon spent under the duvet was the result of a morning spent running. I ran, not as far as other long distance runs, but I did my best and pushed my body as hard as it would go considering the extent my body was paralysed from the temporary mind shit of this NOT-Good Friday. I … Continue reading summerSLUMPS
My spine slumps, my shoulders sag, my neck aches, my arms are perceived by me as feeling far longer, as though they are weighted down like depression's leaden version of mittens on the end of strings that dangle down the innards of the sleeves of your winter coat. The mittens are iron ones, not woollen. The weight … Continue reading THESE DUVET DAYS