I BELIEVED HIM

I write this fresh after my psychiatric reassessment experience. Only minutes away I was sat with him [and her who was sitting in to interject, if I went (for want of a better term), "bonkers"]. That was the conclusion of the two-parter- the psychiatric evaluation with some fresh meat....Fresh mental health doctor meat, with fresh … Continue reading I BELIEVED HIM

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THIS IS A LOW

Another candid share. I believe in honest blogging without any filter, so this is what I just sent, in desperation, to my therapist. Warning.** Triggering content- This is written by someone (me) while experiencing severe depressive symptoms and suicidal ideation/self-harm cravings. Only read if you feel strong enough ❤ "I'm emailing again because I need … Continue reading THIS IS A LOW

POST-LONDON SHARPIE RELEASE

I couldn't write my feelings, so I scribbled them out in sharpie instead... 😔 Post-publishing note* I was not intending to break my blog holiday rule, but these sharpies had to be published for my sanity! I'm going to London next month again too faints!!! SummerSHINES©

REAL LIFE?

Has anyone seen real life? I think I must have mislaid it down the back of the sofa or something, because I can't for the life of me locate real life. Real life has become unreal chaos. I am busy. Not at all centred. Floaty. Overwhelmed. Confused. I haven't been normal since Wednesday, or maybe, if … Continue reading REAL LIFE?

LIVING, WRITING, FEARING   

Apprehension is something we all feel from time to time and is completely natural and human. Usually though we are only apprehensive about stuff that really matters to us. Things that we're not bothered about we don't tend to feel apprehension about. Instead we feel the murkiness and greyness of nothing; indifference basically. Nothing that is … Continue reading LIVING, WRITING, FEARING   

COMFORT WHEN DISTURBED

One of the biggest insults that can be colloquially hurled at someone in conversation; sometimes as a unfunny joke, and sometimes with rancid bitterness is, "you're psychologically disturbed!"- usually meaning broadly that you are 'crazy', 'off your rocker', 'unbalanced', 'abnormal', 'socially bonkers', 'deviant' 'manipulative', or other such derogatory & stigma-loaded assumptions. "YOU ARE PSYCHOLOGICALLY DISTURBED". I have … Continue reading COMFORT WHEN DISTURBED

EYES ON ME

Message from a friend sent just now... "I wish for you to see yourself thru my eyes, so you can see you are beautiful and your energy brilliant." After thanking her and feeling touched and uplifted and boosted, I replied that I'd blog about this, inspired by what she said." Which eyes do YOU see yourself through? Which … Continue reading EYES ON ME

BACKFLIP

BACKFLIPS are the thing of talent show dance troopes....the visual motions that make the crowd get excited. When applied to mental health recovery, backflips are what I like to call what other people term 'relapse episodes', to make them seem a little less shit than mental health relapse episodes really are. It should come as … Continue reading BACKFLIP

THERAPY BEAST

It's therapy day today. I wonder what emotional chaos will ensue today. I just read a brilliant blog post about someone else's experience of therapy, and wished a. I could write like that, and b. that I understood therapy better. I've been having psychological therapy for months, well, a few years actually.... and when I … Continue reading THERAPY BEAST

WATER ON CHALK

Gymnasts can't do those amazing things they do on the bars without chalk on their hands. Their hands will slip. They will lose their grip. They may even fall to the ground and do themselves an injury. Gymnasts are not weak people for needing chalky hands. They are just sensible, trying to avoid doing themselves … Continue reading WATER ON CHALK