Just some stream of consciousness doodles after an absolutely S**T day.... summerSHINES



TW** upsetting themes about loss, death, cancer, suicide, and abuse and estrangement from parents.   I read a blog just earlier by a lovely blogger friend who is really close to my heart. We are completely different characters, but united. For whatever reason, we click. There was a line in her blog which leapt off … Continue reading ALL ABOUT MUM *tw


Another candid share. I believe in honest blogging without any filter, so this is what I just sent, in desperation, to my therapist. Warning.** Triggering content- This is written by someone (me) while experiencing severe depressive symptoms and suicidal ideation/self-harm cravings. Only read if you feel strong enough ❤ "I'm emailing again because I need … Continue reading THIS IS A LOW


Loneliness is the quietest explosion you'll ever [not] hear It explodes peacefully in never-ending waves; breaking against the shoreline of our hearts There is no sound of exploding on the outside The sound is all on the inside We are alone and at one with that sound The hurt sits concealed and contained under our sagging skin No one … Continue reading LONELINESS: THE QUIETEST EXPOSION


Life is currently uncomfortable. It always is, to some degree, at least some of the time. Sometimes it is really uncomfortable all of the time, and other times it is mildly uncomfortable, bits of the time. Happiness is nothing else but a temporary escape from the discomfort of life and living. Suicide is something contemplated by … Continue reading LOTS OF LEMONS


I hear the hum of the aircraft, still ringing in my ears, The roar of the car barely hides the rumble of my fears. Back home now to safety. Duvet pulled up, I'm smothered, My silent melancholy, proved not so thoroughly covered.   Couldn't hide my sad today; my worried or my mad, Travelling an … Continue reading POST-TRAVEL HUM


I'm grabbing some introvert time while I can.  The Americans call this interruption to the usual routine a vacation. The French call it le vacance. The Brits call it a holiday. SummerSHINES calls it "fucking beautiful". I am enjoying myself so thoroughly so far that I feel like crying. That sounds like an odd paradox … Continue reading HAPPY TONIC


At last.....freedom to type...freedom to let the words topple out of my head and onto this blank page. This blog represents a type of escape for me....this is the place where I make sense of my inner environment and all it's turmoil. Peace. Breathe. Calm. I am having serious thoughts about my future currently. I am … Continue reading ALL ME