Eye lids heavy, downward gaze, Blue is the colour of this depressive haze. Heavy & leaden, bitter & sour, Consumed with a longing for my final hour. Tears salty; in slow rolls they drip their way down my face, There's a life UP FOR RENT in this empty head space. Poetry is beauty, but believe … Continue reading HIDDEN BLUE
Today is NOT a good day to have the rug pulled from under you. By that I mean, today is not a good day to have your mental health appointment cancelled at the last minute. This is the MH appointment that I have pinned all my hopes on ALL weekend; all the time I've been … Continue reading UNDERWATER DROWNING
This is a post, written stream-of-consciousness, about a dark topic. My intention is not to provoke or upset anyone…..merely to give an honest and unfiltered insight into the mind of someone like me. By someone like me, I mean, someone who battles chronically (in the longer-term) against familiar impulses to end my life. Suicide must … Continue reading ALL STUPID LIES *tw
I have little time to fully share how I feel today because I'm too busy and FAR too excited to form words or accurately put my feelings into words to any great extent. I am busy getting ready for the Mind Media Award ceremony down in the big smoke of London town :) Even though … Continue reading RIGHT…SO I’M NOT USELESS?
I always write stream of consciousness style, I write as I think; but tonight's post will be even more streamy and consciousy as I don't have the intellectual capacity to mentally plan anything. As for what is the point of this post, who knows?!...I don't, but there doesn't always have to be a point I … Continue reading SPLURGING
Oh my f*****g god. I literally can't believe the mood swings I've had, and all within the last few hours.....I have only recently stopped crying and that's only because I had to get my act together enough to collect my latest prescription. I'm an emotional WRECK today, and it isn't only due to the monster … Continue reading WHY I’M GLAD I RODE OUT [ANOTHER] CRISIS
*TW- brief mention of mental health crisis and self-injury. I'm staring, eyes half focused at a notebook crammed of inspirational quotes. (A lush find from one of my top stationary shops, Paperchase). 'Never stop dreaming' is the title. The key design feature on the cover is the depiction of a neon flamingo. Any regular … Continue reading FLAMINGO IN NEON *tw
Watch this video please....guys, girls, and especially parents of boys....(or if you are anyone who knows a guy, which is basically EVERYONE)......It's powerful. https://www.facebook.com/LADbible/videos/2959948387385665/ I am passionately supportive of this video that someone at LADbible thoughtfully created. When I watched it I thought YES YES YES. It was very Harry met Sally, but in an … Continue reading “MAN UP??” NO, SHUT UP!
Words found, can be immensely powerful. There has been too much [mental] illness snaking a path of destruction through my life of late. But I am learning how to speak again, and more importantly, to write. Writing is where I get my power from. It's where I tap into the essence of me and share … Continue reading THE WORD FINDER- for MH bloggers.
Sadness is what we all feel. End of story. We all get sad. We all feel sad. We all know what sadness is, because we've all felt it. Sometimes it's transient, other times it lingers, but we all know it passes...yeah yeah. For people with mental illness, particularly disorders on the depressive spectrum, including what … Continue reading WAY MORE THAN SAD
Tears of sadness (partly) release the deep cramping ache, Avoiding social media-it's far too "happy?"/fake. Fake fucking happy there but this pain here is real, I know we all have our problems, but this is kinda a big deal. Poetry hits hearts in a way prose does not, I'm feeling you endlessly on repeat- you … Continue reading ALL OF WE
I asked the kids for ten minutes peace. I also grabbed half a Valium from the cupboard to cement the relaxation potential I was searching for. I have felt anxiety and rising panic this morning while indulging in the mundane chore of cleaning the bathrooms. Everything got cleaned to within an inch of it's life … Continue reading WHEN YOUR ABUSER WRITES…
I'm struck by a feeling that lately has been rare. Inspiration. I am usually a fairly inspirey person, but for medication-and seasonal related reasons, that well ran dry. I even recently considered stopping blogging ( A>G>A>I>N ). But tonight I felt warmed by the fire of inspiration. It came to me via the clouds and … Continue reading THE SKY SPOKE
The morning knows my pain, The pain that greets me without fail; same old same. Does the pain locate me by echos of my first name? If only I could snuff it out like last night's hygge evening candle flame. Autumn is here; now well into fall, The unfairest seasonal celebration of all. I won't … Continue reading THE MORNING KNOWS
I'm bored of myself. Bored of my [empty] self. Bored of what I write. I am really sorry my blog posts lately have been so uninspiring in tone. I feel actively and most passionately mundane, supressed, deflated, dull, pedestrian and un-shining. The last time I was inspired was yesterday, which seems both not long ago … Continue reading MY [EMPTY] SELF