I can't tell you how amazing it feels to be tapping on the keys once more. Without writing, I cease to be a writer; and when I am not a writer, I cease to be fully alive. Writing is my passion. This is where I tap into my flow. This is where my psyche unknots … Continue reading BECAUSE IT’S CHRISTMAS
Chest ache, can't fake; stuck here, damn straight Fall down, then clamber up; contents splash out from my heart's overflowing cup Drama karma; bleeds into heart-clutching rapid sinking Buddhist dharma Remember that day when tears streamed out? when my survival was still so much in doubt Haven't moved on, realise that now; in my dreams … Continue reading POEM: DRAMA KARMA
Between the ache and the brilliance; that's where I achieve A window open; exploit pain's brief reprieve I work my hardest when I can't work this inner shit out; open the valve & breathe chaos out Letting it go? or am I being 'UNfrozen' and pushing it down; Throw off the gloves and dazzle them … Continue reading POEM: BETWEEN THE ACHE AND THE BRILLIANCE
Wow. What a day.......it started early. 7.30am. Get up. Breakfast. Radio. Washing up (left half done). School run...........BOOM> I smashed it. Friend.....she is there waiting for me parked up outside the house. She knew I needed help. (I put out a Facebook SOS last night). She was there, and fortunately for me, she stayed there. … Continue reading FRIENDS
*TW- brief mention of mental health crisis and self-injury. I'm staring, eyes half focused at a notebook crammed of inspirational quotes. (A lush find from one of my top stationary shops, Paperchase). 'Never stop dreaming' is the title. The key design feature on the cover is the depiction of a neon flamingo. Any regular … Continue reading FLAMINGO IN NEON *tw
Watch this video please....guys, girls, and especially parents of boys....(or if you are anyone who knows a guy, which is basically EVERYONE)......It's powerful. https://www.facebook.com/LADbible/videos/2959948387385665/ I am passionately supportive of this video that someone at LADbible thoughtfully created. When I watched it I thought YES YES YES. It was very Harry met Sally, but in an … Continue reading “MAN UP??” NO, SHUT UP!
Words found, can be immensely powerful. There has been too much [mental] illness snaking a path of destruction through my life of late. But I am learning how to speak again, and more importantly, to write. Writing is where I get my power from. It's where I tap into the essence of me and share … Continue reading THE WORD FINDER- for MH bloggers.
Mental health crisis happens. As a mental health blogger I choose (well, kinda feel obligated) to be honest about it. This kind of stuff happens to lots of people around the world everyday. Here's what happened to me....with the message that mental health crisis happens. It's incidence is more than is known, because people are … Continue reading IN CRISIS… AS IT HAPPENS
Sadness is what we all feel. End of story. We all get sad. We all feel sad. We all know what sadness is, because we've all felt it. Sometimes it's transient, other times it lingers, but we all know it passes...yeah yeah. For people with mental illness, particularly disorders on the depressive spectrum, including what … Continue reading WAY MORE THAN SAD
I'm bored of myself. Bored of my [empty] self. Bored of what I write. I am really sorry my blog posts lately have been so uninspiring in tone. I feel actively and most passionately mundane, supressed, deflated, dull, pedestrian and un-shining. The last time I was inspired was yesterday, which seems both not long ago … Continue reading MY [EMPTY] SELF
It's time to untangle my thoughts and feelings, I think, after a bewildering few days. This morning was the head fuck shake, that is psychological therapy. The headline news of the sesh today revolved around a very important and clinically significant fact. I have found out I wasn't only of half the dose of anxiety … Continue reading DISSOCIATE DISSOCIATE
Tears are flowing as I type. They have flowed all day. Excessive tearfulness is one symptom of depression. I demonstrate many others. I scare so easily too, and right now I am scared ALL THE TIME. I admit it. This shit hole of a current existance is depression. I am used to low mood, but … Continue reading MUTE THE NOISE
Another email sent to my therapist- published to provide insight into the mind of someone who is emotionally poorly/in a suicidal and desperate state. So often things like this aren't published, because of their rawness, and our fear that we will trigger or upset people who read it, but this is mental illness, for me, … Continue reading MENTAL ILLNESS. IN THE RAW.
TW- **suicidal themes. Living, for me, is all about dying. I cannot separate out thoughts of living from thoughts of dying. It's just how I seem to be wired. This morning the seascape was perfect. Blue sky and sunshine burning through the hazy clouds. Today is the first time the blueness of the sky has … Continue reading DYING WHILE LIVING
What I sent to my therapist just now....I'm publishing it, because when I email my therapist I feel more comfortable expressing my vulnerability than I seem to on my blog. With her I can lay it all out. It's a release. I found this because it helps me in the moment. Also this is my … Continue reading INTO THE BLUE